Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl Wanders Off Medicine Floor, Gets Captured by Surgery

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SAN ANTONIO, TX – Sgt. Bergdahl was being treated by an internal medicine team at Hope Mercy Hospital for routine care on Wednesday, when he wandered from his room and was captured by a prowling surgical team.  Sgt. Bergdahl is most famous for being captured by the Taliban and subsequently been held in captivity for 5 years, before being rescued in a handoff.

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Pictured: Chief Resident Bergdahl

Early reports state that Bergdahl is scrubbing into surgeries and being forced to retract for up to to 7 hours at a time without bathroom or food breaks.  He will be slightly bent over holding the retractor and his back would be burning in pain.  Hand cramps are all too common these days for Bergdahl.  Every once in a while they will get him a step stool so that he can see what is going on but typically his arm is reaching around other residents and he is standing behind them, all twisted and uncomfortable.

“It’s really hard to get a surgeon to speak to me, much less confirm that Bergdahl is with the surgical team,” internist Dan Wright told reporters.  “My anesthesia colleagues said they would keep an eye out, maybe look up from their Sudoku a couple more times.”

A mole from the surgical team tells us that Bergdahl is consistently mentally abused and forced “to read the surgeon’s mind” during procedures.  The questioning during surgery is getting out of hand.  “Anticipate me, you should know what I’m going to do next,” are common phrases shouted at the inexperienced surgical resident.

His captures are really messing with his emotions.

They will wake him up at 3:30 a.m. and keep him busy until 10 or 11 pm.  At 3:30 am they have him torture other people by waking them up and pressing on the very wounds that their group caused just the day before.

“They are trying to assimilate him into their culture,” psychiatrist Paula Metz told GomerBlog.  “Giving a captor control over other captors and letting them perform some of the tasks the group is known for, is a classic tool during the assimilation phase.”  The attending surgeon has even let Bergdahl yell at the medical student on rounds.

At the time of this article Bergdahl was struggling to cut the surgical knots the correct length.

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  • Lord Lockwell

    Lord Vincent Lockwell, a medival surgeon, started Gomerblog in 1388. He went for a walk in the alps to get away from the bubonic plague in what is now considered southren Germany when a tragic acident occured. The avalanche did not kill him but froze him for over 500 years. He was thawed and now continues to report on medical news.

  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Alina Ghani

    Reminds me of my last month. i was forced to tie one handed knots in less than 7 secs;)

  • Avatar
    Marvi Bikak

    Alina Ghani

  • Avatar
    Chananya Goldman

    Ariel Ourian

  • Avatar
    Marjon Joon

    Held by Taliban for 5 years & we use him in a satire like this, very insensitive. In no way was his torture comparable to surgery internship.

  • Avatar
    Brian Beekman

    Not appropriate Carmen

  • Avatar
    Marli Meredith

    Lol!

  • Avatar
    Vin Knowles

    It is funny. I have shared. Those that feel otherwise . . . obviously can opt not to read it.

  • Avatar
    Dina Cox McNeil

    This is not funny. We make light of what we go through. I am probably one of the most inappropriate people I know and this makes me sad at the complete insensitivity. This needs to be removed. Seriously.

  • Avatar
    Cynthia Almy Savage

    LOL….I went and finished a medicine residency after the USAF pulled me out of my surgical one and made me be a GP for 4 years. You should have seen my old surgery faculty when they saw I had transformed into a FLEA.

  • Avatar
    Austin Baraki

    Nate Cyrus

  • Avatar
    Scott Robert

    LOL. As Bergdahl was actually tortured, this is *hilarious*, guys. /sarcasm/

  • Avatar
    Tina Dilevska-Burgess

    Jacinta Chuan Jin Genevieve

  • Avatar
    Angie Stratton

    But medicine still had to do the DC Summ

  • Avatar
    Jeanne Sincavage

    Surgeons are an interesting group…

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