white doctor

White Doctors Removed From Endangered Species List After Successful Breeding In Captivity

  • 199
    Shares

WASHINGTON, DC – In a landmark move marking the resounding success of the Caucasian Physician Breeding In Captivity Program (CPBCP), the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service (FWS) has removed white doctors from the endangered species list.

white doctor
“I hope you can understand my accent”

“This is a great day for improving the diversity of our nation’s physician workforce!” announced FWS Director Daniel Ashe at his press conference, nationally broadcast on C-SPAN.  “Just a few years ago, white doctors had been feared in many circles to be extinct.  With great effort, we have improved the population to create a viable cohabitant within the medical ecosystem.”

The CPBCP had its origins in the curious case of Bobby Patel, who matriculated at the Yale School of Medicine in 2000.  Dr. Li-Tai Chang, Dean of Admissions that year, said, “At that time, we believed that white physicians were a thing of the past.  When we accepted Bobby then, we figured we were getting another Indian-American student.”

Bobby Patel, a standout college school student who had been adopted by an Indian family in West Virginia, was shockingly white.  “I mean, I know plenty of Indian guys named Bobby.  So it came as a surprise when he showed up for the first day of medical school wearing khakis and polo shirt.”  Per Dr. Chang, “We immediately reported the case to the Fish & Wildlife Service.”

In an exclusive interview with GomerBlog, Daniel Ashe stated that he also started to receive other similar reports of rare white medical students and residents from around the country.  “What we did was daring.  We pulled all of the Caucasians and brought them together for training at our headquarters in Washington, DC.  But more importantly, we wanted to maximize efforts to encourage them to breed in captivity.”

The early attempts by CPBCP were fraught with missteps.  “It took our scientists years to optimize their environment to encourage breeding,” recounts Mr. Ashe.  “One day, the CPBCP curator accidentally switched the overhead speakers to a radio station playing ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine’ by Guns N’ Roses.  It was a miracle.  The male Caucasians immediately started performing what has been described as ‘The Carlton Dance’ mating ritual, and the rest was history.”  Mr. Ashe subsequently was able to complete his ambitious Caucasian Physician Genome Project shortly thereafter.

Over the last few years, many of the white students, residents & physicians have been successfully released from captivity and introduced to various schools & hospitals.  “They are flourishing, and that makes me proud,” remarked Mr Ashe.

Although white doctors have been making a comeback in terms of population numbers, there have been a few bumps in the road.  Baltimore cardiologist Dr Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram is just now getting used to the nuances of working with white colleagues.  “These white doctors talk funny.  I can’t understand them with that accent.”

image_pdfimage_print
  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    HeisenbergHattie

    Pretty hard to take anything written by Dr Pablo Pistola very seriously.

  • Avatar
    HeisenbergHattie

    I do think it’s funny. I don’t think it’s racist. Just for fun …. Did you read about the “author” of this piece? Here is his bio: “Dr Pablo Pistola had become increasingly dissatisfied with satisfaction-based forces in medicine. He felt like a doctor without a purpose. He subsequently embarked on a 7 year twerking quest in the Himalayan foothills to find his true calling. During this journey, he realized that he has a secret talent: his immense knowledge about women. He understands them. Legend has it that he can size up a woman’s soul in a mere instant. He didn’t ask for these powers. But with great powers come great responsibilities. So Dr Pablo Pistola (double-board certified in Love Medicine & Romance Medicine, with fellowship training in Seduction Medicine) has been dabbling in satirical erotic writing. And if satirical erotic writing can offer a viable exit strategy from medicine, then the world will be a better place. His responsibility is to bring the stories of lust to you. He also is an avid life-long Miami Heat fan.”

  • Avatar
    Linnea Priest

    Mostly, I do think it is funny. This post is racist, however.

  • Avatar
    HeisenbergHattie

    I LOVE the comments about how “racist” & “insensitive” this satire is. Priceless. Did U pay people to write negative reviews? LOL

  • Avatar
    HeisenbergHattie

    Your sensitivity probably would feel safer if you never (ever) read Gomerblog again. It’s definitely not for you.

  • Avatar
    HeisenbergHattie

    Oh, poor Todd. His funny bone has died. RIP Todd’s sense of irony/humor/fun.

  • Avatar
    Heather Hinshelwood-Rangel

    Becky Ensley, Tyler Ensley, Megan Titas

  • Avatar
    Heather Hinshelwood-Rangel

    Haha! Christina Welch

  • Avatar
    Lynda Mahoney

    Oh calm the fuck down. It’s a joke.

  • Avatar
    Lynda Mahoney

    Omg dying! xD This is hilarious!

  • Avatar
    Chris Neeley

    Lol this is pretty hilarious.

  • Avatar
    Chris Iskra

    Chris Annie

  • Avatar
    Linnea Priest

    I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. If your only argument is that I’m stupid and out of touch with reality, you are guilty of poor logic, since I am neither.

  • Avatar
    Helen Aanstoos

    Never fails to amuse my funny bones.

  • Avatar
    Guest

    Contrary to your initial post, it appears that you are in fact stupid and also completely out of touch with reality.

  • Avatar
    Linnea Priest

    still not funny.

  • Avatar
    Guest

    This is a satire website you idiot.

  • Avatar
    Linnea Priest

    This is really, really racist. You must be white. I am white, but not insensitive or stupid. Please take this down. It is so not funny. It is a pathetic attempt at humor.

  • Avatar
    Catherine Mary

    Oh grow up.

  • Avatar
    Trish Hayes Woodall

    Want some cheese and crackers with that whine?

  • Avatar
    Ashley Celis

    Haha!

  • Avatar
    Abe Sanchez

    Bye Felicia!

  • Avatar
    Abe Sanchez

    Bye Felicia!

  • Avatar
    Chris Goshorn

    I like to think you are playing along. But I suspect you are simply stupid. This is a satire site dumbass.

  • Avatar
    Chris Goshorn

    I like to think you are playing along. But I suspect you are simply stupid. This is a satire site dumbass.

  • Avatar
    Bill Anderson

    Awww someone is mad mad.

  • Avatar
    Jennifer Platt

    If this is offensive to you, you probably shouldn’t follow Gomerblog!

  • Avatar
    Chaucey Coil

    You know this website is medical satire, right?

  • Avatar
    Mitch Webb

    It’s a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it so hard.

  • Avatar
    Michael Sprys

    Lighten up Francis

  • Avatar
    Todd Nicholas Badenov

    This is offensive and shameful, making fun of people’s names and accents and white people crying about feeling under catered to is the apex of ridiculousness in the country’s disgusting history.

  • Avatar
    Laura K Martin

    This is the best thing on Facebook.

  • Avatar
    Linda Hinson Dabney

    OMG! Y’all truly make me LOL!

  • Avatar
    Debbie Rowe

    :D

  • Avatar
    Jana Caldwell Ricker

    Jeff Hollister I’d like to thank you for your contribution ;)
    Are you working on your accent?

  • Avatar
    Sarah Adelberg

    Brilliant.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

orthopedic surgeon ortho spelling bee WBAT sticks & stones

Nice Work, Brah: Ortho Note Mentions Horizontal Nystagmus

3.2KSharesBOSTON, MA – Hospitalists, neurologists, and neurosurgeons at Massachusetts Specific Hospital in Boston were ...

New Updated Hippacratic Oath for 2019

286SharesI swear by ICD-10 the Code, by Epiclepius the Record Keeper, by Hygienia in ...