SAN JOSE, CA – In what appears to be a medical first, surgeons at Methodist Northwest Hospital have found that using voice-activated operating room tables instead of anesthesiologists or CRNAs is working remarkably well.
“It’s fantastic,” said orthopaedic surgeon Dr. Michael Wheely. “I don’t have to get anesthesia’s attention anymore! I just say ‘table up’ or ‘rotate towards me’ and the table responds in the CORRECT direction. It’s like magic!”
Hospital administrator Dr. C. Jonathan Egging confirmed his surgeons are generally very positive about the new tables. “Most of our surgeons were understandably skeptical at first,” said Dr. Egging, “but after they saw that even the orthopods could do it, they all jumped on board. By eliminating anesthesiologists altogether, we estimate net savings of $25 million the first year alone!”
Dr. Carol Phelps, a general surgeon agrees. “Door-to-cut times have improved dramatically now that we aren’t being slowed down by anesthesia. We just consult medicine to intubate and turn on the propofol dispensing machine and we’re off and running! A PACU nurse is dedicated to a ‘wake up room’ and extubates patients when ready.”
Somewhat surprising, the hospital’s anesthesiologists and CRNAs aren’t terribly concerned. “We now have more time than ever to work on what really matters: arm tans, making drape forts, and Sudoku.”