Pez Introduces New Pocket Percocet Dispenser

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EAST ORANGE, NJ – The Pez candy company announced its first upgraded dispenser design in decades last week, as the candymaker looks to tap into the immense market of opioid-dependent consumers across the globe.

dilaudidpezStarting next month, narcotic lovers can get their fix from the hyperextended neck of their favorite Marvel Comics villian, muppet, or Disney Princess.  The spring-loaded candy dispenser had its dimensions altered to specifically accommodate twenty Percocet or Dilaudid tablets.

William Wonkstein, CEO of PEZ, was reached for comment.  “Sales of our product have soured (pun intended) over the past few years.  Our dispensers do not lend themselves well to dispensing today’s popular chocolate or sour gummy candies.  We knew it was a case of our company either adapting or becoming obsolete.  Pills are perfect for our dispensers, and after learning that 35% of the developed world’s population take chronic narcotics, it didn’t take a marketing genius for us to decide what to do.  We expect huge sales in the U.S., as 65% of Americans are either opioid dependent or outright opioid abusers.”

Pez will market the Marvel villain dispensers to opioid-dependent parents of small children, since the heads of The Joker, Green Goblin, et al will frighten the children away from tampering with them.  “The health and safety of our narcotic dependent consumers and their families is our number one concern,” Wonkstein asserted.

Plans for customized Xanax dispensers with the head of Catwoman are reportedly in the works.  “What better way to appeal to all those sedative-dependent crazy cat ladies?” Wonkstein winked slyly.

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Ronnie Smith

    And, when your patient is trying to take their next dose, they can’t accidentally drop all their pills down the sink, which so often happens.

  • Avatar
    Chris Rundquist

    Say it isn’t so

  • Avatar
    Zahra Kent

    Rob Kent

  • Avatar
    Liz Enguidanos

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Donna Perkins

    I think it’s dangerous kids will think it’s candy.

  • Avatar
     Trudy Angus 

    @johnghughes3 Is this serious? If it is it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

  • Avatar
    Jeri Alcocer

    Why would take a candy dispenser and fill it with meds. This is dangerous.

  • Avatar
    Joe Dovidio

    Jerk Shwerni

  • Avatar
    Anna Quattrucci Keller

    Easter is coming- just sayin’

  • Avatar
    Dr Neeley

    lol seriously?

  • Avatar
    Denise Bishop

    Um this is SATIRE!!!

  • Avatar
    Denise Bishop

    Ya do know this is SATIRE right?????

  • Avatar
    Ramona Queeney

    Dilaudid!! Ha. Brilliant.

  • Avatar
    LaSchell Upshaw Bearden

    I’m waiting for the diaudem dispenser.

  • Avatar
    Rodney Guinn

    Has to be fabricated

  • Avatar
    Kathie Weikel Cole

    I think this is dumb!!! Kids will think it is candy!

  • Avatar
    Monica Tran

    “I was robbed, and all they took was my Pez dispenser.”

  • Avatar
    Sheila Garrison

    Needs to be wider for the Rx label, which doubles capacity, that makes it better!!!

  • Avatar
    Peter Van Tuinen

    Covered by insurance?

  • Avatar
    Victoria McCausland

    haha!

  • Avatar
    Wendy Lomax

    Keep them away from the little ones.

  • Avatar
    Julie Shapiro Levine

    Bwahaha!!

  • Avatar
    Kelly Fabian

    Omg. This makes me soooo happy!!! Maybe they should make the top a lighter so those anxious COPDers can easily access a lighter AND Xanax!! Jon Paul

  • Avatar
    Cyndie Beard

    You do not believe this is a serious site, do you? LOL!

  • Avatar
    Brooke Dorow

    Craig!

  • Avatar
    Hillten Brewton

    I knew had to be a better to carry those pills around.

  • Avatar
    Beth Bowman

    CEO “Wonksrein” :)

  • Avatar
    Linda Barnes

    i love it

  • Avatar
    Marlene Downing

    there is no end to insanity

  • Avatar
    Amber Krajicek Lowe

    Ha! These. Are. Awesome!

  • Avatar
    Ryan Hamelin

    Awesome!

  • Avatar
    Ashleigh Ritchie

    Victoria McCausland Ryan Hamelin

  • Avatar
    Liesel Nelson

    Josh Ingram Kristin McKay

  • Avatar
    Christine Adamec Burrows

    Ya sure…..just what they need!

  • Avatar
    Ashley Celis

    Ruben Celis

  • Avatar
    Aarti Patel

    LOLz

  • Avatar
    Jon Paul

    Kelly Fabian

  • Avatar
    Kristen Clark Trent

    Haha yep

  • Avatar
    Amanda Moore DeJohn

    Paul DeJohn

  • Avatar
    Jonathan Walker

    Kara Bartholomew-Johnson

  • Avatar
    Deb Thomas Hurd

    it’s a joke. Gomer Blog is medical satire.

  • Avatar
    Deb Thomas Hurd

    oh my…my youngest daughter collects Pez dispensers. She has over 100. That makes this even funnier.

  • Avatar
    Ronald Wolniewicz

    Can you think of anything more ridiculous ? and they think children wouldn’t find them intriguing.

  • Avatar
    Stacy Bellamy

    A whole new meaning to “Candy Man”! Lol

  • Avatar
    Ashish Patel

    Aarti Patel Gaurav Ratti

  • Avatar
    Alyson Amelia Walker-Glover

    Ha!

  • Avatar
    Mansoor Jatoi

    Do they gave a fentanyl version?

  • Avatar
    Kristen Clark Trent

    For sure!! Haha

  • Avatar
    Heidi Guinn

    I am gonna see!! LOL!! Talk about satisfied patients!!

  • Avatar
    Kristen Clark Trent

    Haha. Maybe you can order them thru staples! Lol

  • Avatar
    Heidi Guinn

    Kristen Clark Trent this is too funny!! Maybe we can carry them in the clinic!!!

  • Avatar
    Kristen Clark Trent

    Haha Heidi Guinn

  • Avatar
    Natalia Hernandez-Hidden

    But will Medicare cover the additional cost of me having to load it?

  • Avatar
    Sarah Richards

    Mansoor Jatoi – perfect for ️nights!

  • Avatar
    Rich Roberts

    Just like the Rockstar song…pop my pills from a pez dispenser!! Gotta have one

  • Avatar
    Melissa Webb Wescott

    Karla Boyd

  • Avatar
    John Keefer

    Want!

  • Avatar
    Wanda Gonzalez

    Hello Kitty one!

  • Avatar
    Rachel Roberts

    Jenna Strother does your mom have these yet?!!

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