herd of zebras

Internist Trampled to Death by Herd of Wild Zebras

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ST. LOUIS, MO – Sad news today as a local internal medicine physician was trampled to death by a herd of wild zebras while walking to the hospital.  Witnesses say the deceased, identified as internist Dr. Thomas Wright, clearly heard the sound of the approaching zebras, but didn’t react appropriately.

“Everyone else heard the hoofbeats, and we all moved out of the way,” said one witness.  “But he just kept walking, assuring us that horses are friendly and wouldn’t harm us.  He never even stopped to turn around.”

herd of zebrasDr. James McBride, a neurologist, was walking alongside his colleague, but escaped without injuries.  “I heard the animals approaching, and I was worried they might be buffalo or mammoths, so I dove out of the way,” said Dr. McBride.  “When I rolled over and saw they were just zebras, I was relieved.  I tried to warn Dr. Wright, but he informed me that zebras are extremely rare in this country, and he wanted to act conservatively.”

Sources say the herd of zebras escaped from the zoo earlier in the day, and ran wild through the city for several hours before being captured by animal control.  Despite minor property damage, no other injuries were reported.

Authorities have issued warnings about the dangers of zebra attacks, including a list of warning signs for wild zebra herds.  “Hoofbeats are nonspecific sounds, and the cause of the hoofbeats should be evaluated,” said Chief of Police Mike Summerland.  “In the context of hoofed mammals, black and white stripes are almost pathognomonic for zebras.  And while zebras are rare, attacks are still possible anytime, anywhere.  Raising awareness of zebra attacks is the first step toward preventing them.”

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  • Avatar
    Becky Newton

    E906.8, butted by or fallen on by animal ;)

  • Avatar
    Becky Newton

    E906.8, butted by or fallen on by animal ;)

  • Avatar
    Becky Newton

    Laurie Levy you need to be on this page

  • Avatar
    Becky Newton

    Laurie Levy you need to be on this page

  • Avatar
    Martin Herman

    Karma?

  • Avatar
    Martin Herman

    Karma?

  • Avatar
    David White

    I’d suggest a bury-em enema

  • Avatar
    David White

    I’d suggest a bury-em enema

  • Avatar
    Gerry Wieder

    There is justice in the world.

  • Avatar
    Gerry Wieder

    There is justice in the world.

  • Avatar
    Tamra Dale

    But his first thought was that they were horses …

  • Avatar
    Tamra Dale

    But his first thought was that they were horses …

  • Avatar
    Tina Svatos Johnson

    Too funny!

  • Avatar
    Tina Svatos Johnson

    Too funny!

  • Avatar
    Pamela Ackerson Barden

    So funny

  • Avatar
    Lesley Wood

    Tee Hee

  • Avatar
    Carisa Hines Moore
  • Avatar
    Kathie Sale Macchioni

    slow news day? :)

  • Avatar
    Mici Gerkins

    In the final irony, cause of death was listed as underneath horse stampede.

  • Avatar
    Tara McConnaughy

    Ahhhahaha

  • Avatar
    Lisa Carey

    Hahaha

  • Avatar
    Gomerblog

    Luv it

  • Avatar
    Susan Galgay

    Haha

  • Avatar
    Stephen Outis

    In other news, the pediatrics department captured a few and opened a petting zoo.

  • Avatar
    Kate Young

    Do the have a vaccine for that?

  • Avatar
    Ruth Meilstrup

    Poetic justice for an internist always looking for a zebra in a herd of horses.

  • Avatar
    Edna Wong

    HahahahagsgGG

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    Jeanne Dolan

    The hospital, where the internist practice, has now produced a new protocol, check sheet and verified numeric tool to quantify a patient’s risk of Zebra trampling. This is all in response to JCHO and the state’s DPH labeling Zebra Trampling as a “never” event. Nursing has been chosen to assess the patient q shift for ZTR (Zebra Trample Risk) and post a photograph of a pride of lions outside the patient’s door if the number>10 on a 0 to 21 scale. “Of course this will take a few minutes of the nurse’s time,” said the administrator, “but they can easily incorporate it into the hourly rounding we have instituted to improve patient satisfaction scores.”

  • Avatar
    Alan J Pollock

    So me!

  • Avatar
    Dianne Benz

    the unfortunate man was “dazzled” to death?

  • Avatar
    Kelly Mccormack Vassallo

    The zebras had recently been quarantined for Ebola, and subsequently released. Unfortunately they all died of influenza the next day.

  • Avatar
    Melissa Crompton

    Bahahaha

  • Avatar
    Kristina Lehman

    Heather Jones Saha

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    Chris Jones

    Next time, order a picture analysis of the animal rather than a fecal study, and include more history than “Animal with feet.”

  • Avatar
    Kristin Nelson

    As an internist, I know there are no “herds” of zebras, a group of zebras is called a dazzle. It is all in the details!

  • Avatar
    Naomi Moore Cook

    Laughed.Out.Loud

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    Mark P Stacy

    A little bit ironic, I really do think!

  • Avatar
    Judi Willing

    OMG, I love it. So true, here’s to you Michael Willing

  • Avatar
    Jim Keffer

    I guess he couldn’t flea away in time.

  • Avatar
    Kyra Klein

    thank you both. this was the best thing I’ve read all day.

  • Avatar
    Alicia Olmoz

    OMG I’ve got to stop reading this stuff when I’m in the middle of a lecture!! Laughing out loud is frowned upon!!!

  • Avatar
    Margi Dalgleish Roth

    He didn’t look both ways before crossing th……..

  • Avatar
    Anton Furman

    Leo Reap haha

  • Avatar
    Cameron White

    Hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Ahmad Zawir

    I laughed just by reading the headline hahah

  • Avatar
    Karen Schmidt

    More important question is was the ICD 9 code entered correctly in EMR-death by trampling by wild zebra. Who knows this code off the top of their heads??

  • Avatar
    Rocco Arcieri

    In an unfortunate related story a rheumatologist was impaled by a unicorn

  • Avatar
    Todd Kliewer

    Every sub specialist was contacted in order to evaluate the zebras and to exclude the other species right after the internet read the radiology report.

  • Avatar
    Insun Chong

    Please correlate zoologically.

  • Avatar
    Insun Chong

    Cameron White

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    Heather Honious

    The radiologist agreed that the appearance of the herd was consistent with zebras, but could not definitively exclude elk, antelope, or large wild cats.

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    Kendra Wolf

    It’s never horses…

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    Thomas Lucero

    Just another day at the office at Jackson Medical Center!

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    Warwick Low

    When u hear hoof beats, dun think of zebras

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    Eileen Left

    Mammoths would be on the neurologist’s or radiologist’s differential. The radiologist would duck under the cover of the hedge to stay safe and invisible

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