The Epic EHR Bartender

Patron: I’d like a beer.

Epic: Wait until I log on… (30 seconds) Welcome to Hyperspace!

Patron: I’d like a beer.

Epic: Pick from this list.

Patron: Hmm… I’ll have a Mirror Pond.

Epic: What size?

Patron: It comes in one size: a twelve oz. bottle.

Epic: Choose either 1 bottle or 12 oz.

Patron: 12 oz.

Epic: OK.  Do you want order future beers individually like this, or receive future bottles delivered automatically?

Patron: Yeah… Automatically.

Epic: How many and at what intervals?

Patron: 1 bottle every 15 minutes.

Epic: You must select total number of bottles furnished and/or an end date and time.

Patron: #6, tomorrow 2 AM.

Epic: I will need parameters for withholding future bottles.

Patron: WTF!  Never mind, just give me my beer.

Epic: Select how you want it.

Patron: Huh!?

Epic: Oral, G tube, J tube, rectal, or sublingual.

Patron: Just gimme the beer!  Oral!

Epic:  OK… Wait!  There is a best practice advisory warning!

Patron: What?

Epic: You have had a prior beer!

Patron: Just gimme the beer!

Epic: OK… Wait, you have had an adverse reaction!

Patron: And I am having one now!!!

Epic: In 2007 you had nausea and vomiting with tequila.  Do you wish to override, or consult the pharmacist?

Patron: Just gimme the beer!

Epic: Please enter password.

Patron: I am out of here.

Epic: Thank you for choosing HyperSpace.

Patron: F UUUUU!!!