old man

Pioneering Bionics Company Gains FDA Approval for Robotic Penis

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E-Rextion Bionix has proudly announced that its breakthrough HeteroErectus Cyberpenis enhancement prosthesis will soon be available to patients in the U.S. market who so desperately seek a solid and trustworthy erection without having to resort to expensive pills that cause migraines, nasal congestion and facial flushing.

old man“Men deserve erections without side effects,” E-Rextion said in a press release.  “And they can finally have them.”

The E-Rextion Bionix device offers an optional artificial intelligence module to supplement its embedded microchip controlled nanosensors and enhanced feedback response systems.  The tiny incorporated CPU contains more memory and processing speed than the Cray Supercomputers of a decade ago, all wrapped up into one not-so-small package.

Last week, an FDA advisory panel on penile implants sized up the E-Rextion Bionix device in their response to the company’s application for approval to market the product.  “The HeteroErectus Cyberpenis device satisfies much more than just FDA’s 510(k) criteria, that’s for sure.  We have proven it to be safe, and effective.”

All those on the FDA advisory panel were flaccid men in their sixties who analyzed the device extensively in a placebo-controlled, double blind, hairy-palmed trial.  The outcome was just as everyone had warned them it would be.

Blood flow required to maintain erections with the cybernetic penis device is less than one-third that needed for the original equipment.  And that’s important and a major leap forward.  However, additional blood flow is still required for the function of the optional artificial intelligence module.

“That was our major concern,” notes the FDA response letter.  “We worry about there being two brains in one man, with only enough blood flow to supply one brain at a time.”

The FDA panel therefore voted to withhold approval for the optional module.

“We regret that part of FDA’s decision,” said Feliny Resort, the director of marketing for E-rextion Bionix.  “Unfortunately, there will be no intelligent penises available to Americans this year.”

The market for the HeteroErectus Cyberpenis is calculated to be upwards of $5 billion dollars.  More than half of that is the government market where there is an unlimited amount of money available, and where flaccid and unintelligent penises are endemic.

John Hunt, MD is a pediatric pulmonologist, allergist, immunologist, and author of a satirical medical novel, “Assume the Physician” that must be read by every person on the planet (in the next 30 minutes preferably).  Profits from sales of the book support his non-profit Trusted Angels Foundation which supports orphanages, schools and entrepreneurs in Liberia, West Africa.

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