couple kissing

Physician Foreplay 101: How to Seduce Your Doctor

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couple kissing

Seduce any doctor by using valuable information about his or her specialty to ensure total success in the bedroom.

Emergency Medicine

Go skydiving to get the adrenaline going.  Speed home.  Once there, run upstairs and cut off each other’s clothes with trauma shears.  Now naked, tell him EXACTLY what brought you into the bedroom.  (Hint: His bulging biceps… not something that you love about him from ages ago.)  Have great sex.  Repeat.

General Surgery

Turn the air conditioner to 50 degrees.  Turn on her favorite music.  Play strip Jenga.  Everytime she moves a block successfully, you take off an item of clothes and vice versa.  (Hint: Do not count on her being unsuccessful.  She has a Very.  Steady.  Hand.)  Get naked.  Have great sex.  Recover.

Dermatology

Three words: Erotic sunscreen massage.  Nothing gets a derm hotter than the correct application of sunscreen.  Then how about a couple’s sexy mole check?  Have great sex and follow-up weekly.

Radiology

Turn out the lights.  Turn on the soft, sexy blue glow of an iPad.  Ask about his stocks, investments, and Clash of Clans level.  Have great sex.  Report back.

Internal Medicine

Create a sexy mystery hunt in your house.  At every clue, make your internal medicine physician answer no less than 14 questions about you.  She will answer each question calmly and completely; incredibly attractive!  When she finally makes it to the bedroom, be waiting there naked as her reward.  Have great sex.  Feel accomplished.

OB/GYN

This one is pretty simple.  Just be ANYTHING but hormonal, pregnant, or menopausal and you will have great sex.  Period.

Anesthesiology

Try giving these mathletes a chance to strut their stuff by asking them to add, subtract, or multiply large numbers throughout the day.  Oooh and aaah over their quick answers.  Later on, you can stroke their ego even more by telling them they can examine any part of your body below the neck.  (Hint: This is uncharted territory for our anesthesiologist friends, so don’t be surprised if they have questions.)  Have great sex.  Sleep soundly.

Orthopedic Surgery

Wear his lettered high-school football jacket with nothing underneath and challenge him to a push-up contest.  (For added arousal, agree to watch his favorite Superbowl re-run from 1997.)  Do some physical therapy stretching exercises, per his suggestion, have great sex, and then call and thank him because you are now running sub 6-minute mile due to his perfect sex prowess.

***UPDATES FROM GB, FANS, and FRIENDS***

ENT – Pull out your microscopes on this one, ENT surgeons love closeups..of anything!.  They also love to scoop out tonsils during passionate kissing, so grab some ice cream and go to town!  They love to fork.  Take that tuning fork and weber the Sh** out of them.

FAMILY MEDICINE – Roller skates.  Family Medicine physicians move fast, they have to, so you have to keep up with them.  Bring them a list of all of your hobbies, interests, previous girlfriends/boyfriends, food preferences, and pacer card and they will love you for it.

PATHOLOGY – Nothing gets steamier than discussing the quality of embalming fluid and where to put it.  Turn the temperature down as Pathologists love to do it in cold dark places, preferably in basements, on metal.

PEDIATRICS – It is all about how long you can last in Timeout..the longer the better.  Make sure your immunizations are uptodate as that would be the ultimate buzz kill if they aren’t. Set the mood with bilirubin lights.

PSYCHIATRY – Don’t say a word, except for maybe DSM.  Psychiatrists are so tired of hearing people everyday at work.  Just start kissing them, whisper DSM in their ear, and hold on for the ride.

CARDIOLOGY – Lather up the ultrasound machine and drive it all over their chest with lots of ultrasound goo, yelling out “look at that regurg” or “damn I want to cath that”.

GASTROENTEROLOGY – We got nothing on these guys.  Good luck!

HOSPITALIST – Punch them all over their body.  They love to feel pain, repetitively, just as they feel when getting 6 ER hits at the same time and dumped on by everyone.   Don’t be surprised if they leave quickly in the morning as they are very keen on discharging.

OPHTHALMOLOGIST –   Blow in their eye.  Play naked laser tag while wearing glasses. After sex ask them who was better, 1(you) or 2(last person).

NEPHROLOGIST – Don’t box them in.  Water them profusely.  Don’t give them too many bananas to eat as they hate high potassium.

NEUROLOGIST – They are fantastic at finding the right place to touch, but they just don’t know what to do when they find it.  Help then.  Move their hands and show them what to do.

VASCULAR SURGEON – Always recommend taking the bypass to get to your place.  Play loud static in the background with “swooshing” sounds.

UROLOGIST – Have a good scaping.  Tell a joke related to a penis.  Have sex.

 

Much appreciation to the author of this post!  She is a sexual health educator and consultant.  Check out her website below!

Celeste Holbrook, PhD
Sexual Health Consultant and Educator

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  • Show Comments

  • Avatar
    Teresa Georgina

    Check out the obgyn one

  • Avatar
    Teresa Georgina

    Joseph Gudex

  • Avatar
    Shrinivas B. Shirguppi

    LCD is ‘Have great sex’ ;

  • Avatar
    HeisenbergHattie

    You never disappoint!! http://t.co/dbiZwG51Yo

  • Avatar
    Adam Bear

    Jessica LeeCurls

  • Avatar
    Amie Billings Ehrman

    Bridget

    Anesthesiology

    Try giving these mathletes a chance to strut their stuff by asking them to add, subtract, or multiply large numbers throughout the day. Oooh and aaah over their quick answers. Later on, you can stroke their ego even more by telling them they can examine any part of your body below the neck. (Hint: This is uncharted territory for our anesthesiologist friends, so don’t be surprised if they have questions.) Have great sex. Sleep soundly.

  • Avatar
    Anonymous

    Paweł Sowula

  • Avatar
    Lyn Chesca

    Lesley Jones hmmmm you go girl

  • Avatar
    Lesley Jones

    Lyn Chesca Lol

  • Avatar
    Beth Kavanagh

    Ashleigh McIntyre

  • Avatar
    Matt Wigder

    Feeling extremely left out.

  • Avatar
    Jay Cee

    Seriously? Im sure part 2 Of this will be ” how to Not get struck off by the GMC “

  • Avatar
    Michael Crichton

    Feel free to message me your response, if you’d like to answer my question that is. Have a good day, sir.

  • Avatar
    Michael Crichton

    I see you graduated from USUHS. Were you accepted without a military background or did you serve prior to applying?

  • Avatar
    Lyn Chesca

    Lesley Jones

  • Avatar
    Kerry Hart Cast

    Ridiculousness!!!!

  • Avatar
    Cathy Brookshire

    Great one. Especially anesthesiology.

  • Avatar
    Jo H Rina

    Ew

  • Avatar
    Julie Sherry

    Nice one Dan that’s my daughter your talking about just joking.!!!!!

  • Avatar
    Shermaleen Lealde

    lol

  • Avatar
    Ivy Mary Magdelinquent Ellis

    No Neuro? But we have leather restraints!

  • Avatar
    Ashish Sud

    This is awesome. Or I’ve been working too long…

  • Avatar
    Diane Batten

    As if any nurse would want to

  • Avatar
    Debbie Blicher

    They sure use condoms.

  • Avatar
    Debbie Blicher

    No. Let her sleep!

  • Avatar
    Joseph Lewis

    Omg Heather Sinclair, is this why people go i to the medical profession?

  • Avatar
    Michelle LaRosa McGlone

    Dannett why is there no Podiatrist here? lollllll

  • Avatar
    Sarena Nadine

    They like it from behind!

  • Avatar
    Lesley Trabeaux Wininger

    Oh my God! The surgery one made me vomit for obvious reasons. But the anesthesia was pretty funny. For obvious reasons.

  • Avatar
    Supa Sarah

    David Hateley well this is not much use, where is the G.P guide??

  • Avatar
    Andrew Todd

    Really, no urology? That’s just sad. So much good material. Left us out of game of thrones too…

  • Avatar
    Jolie Bailey

    I think it should say the math thing and then “while asking the math questions be sure to lift your chin (helps to have a beautifully sculpted mandible) and squeeze a fist to show off your plump, juicy hand veins. Then when planning you post-date romp, ask your anesthesiologist mate what he/she would like to do. Then ask him/her what options b, c, and d are in case option a doesn’t work out.” You’re welcome.

  • Avatar
    Jolie Bailey

    Guess they’ve never heard of regional anesthesia. Or art lines. Or femoral lines.

  • Avatar
    Valerie Anne

    Maybe if the partner needs Pepcid and nitro for you he needs the air cool lolol

  • Avatar
    Maribeth Culpepper

    You had me at “thermostat on 50”.

  • Avatar
    Sabrina PS

    That’s something that the Pediatric Surgeon Bina would have to fix! Noooooo 10 degrees!!! At least 30! HAHAHHAHAHAHA

  • Avatar
    Valerie Anne

    Thanks Siri for the F to C conversion

  • Avatar
    Valerie Anne

    Thanks Siri for the F to C conversion

  • Avatar
    Sabrina PS

    Strip Jenga. Okay, let’s start training! HAHAHAHAHHA

  • Avatar
    Sabrina PS

    PLEASE, no school uniforms! HAHAHAHHAHAHA
    IDK how does it work in there, but in here all Ped surgeon is also a General surgeon. I’ll keep that one! Lol!

  • Avatar
    Roxanne Lyn

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Valerie Anne

    Or the elusive peds surgery!

  • Avatar
    Sabrina PS

    Bahahahahahhahaha!!! No Pediatrics, of course. LMAO!

  • Avatar
    Nicole Bennett

    Good looking out girl!

  • Avatar
    Janet Rubenstein Shapiro

    Asthma, allergies and immunology?

  • Avatar
    Bill Geis

    Love it! Hilarious!

  • Avatar
    Roxanne Lyn

    Nicole Bennett

  • Avatar
    Jessica Egan

    This is so great! Hahaha

  • Avatar
    Steve Martini

    What if she’s a Urologist??

  • Avatar
    Zoe Haruyama

    Bill Geis

  • Avatar
    Sarah Ceneth Schoettler

    So spot on!!!

  • Avatar
    Erica Jordan

    hahahahaha im dying! this is amazing

  • Avatar
    Celina Mac

    Amy Joyce Misch Kim France Graf.

  • Avatar
    Angelica Kron

    Asså nej, haha!

  • Avatar
    Conny Jarme

    Angelica Kron

  • Avatar
    Daniyella Spudic

    Rachel Holmes! Ha!

  • Avatar
    Debbie McMillen

    Start making some notes!!

  • Avatar
    Brett Linck

    We peds docs apparently see too many results of sex to have sex.

  • Avatar
    Kurt Hiserodt

    So the prostate exam isn’t the appropriate time for a dinner invite? Guess that explains it….

  • Avatar
    Erin Tabor

    Hahaha Debbie McMillen Cyndi Lemery Lindsay Hall

  • Avatar
    Andy Smith

    “Erotic Sunscreen Massage.” Haha

  • Avatar
    Andy Smith

    “Erotic Sunscreen Massage.” Haha

  • Avatar
    Tori Blanks

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Tori Blanks

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Jaime Berman Friedman

    I was thinking the same thing!

  • Avatar
    Ben Beech

    Paul Atkins “Create a sexy mystery hunt in your house. At every clue, make your internal medicine physician answer no less than 14 questions about you.”

  • Avatar
    Andre Sookdar

    Have an adult conversation with a pediatrician. She’ll love you forever.

  • Avatar
    James T. Schultz

    lol

  • Avatar
    Conor Moran

    Forensic Pathologist?

  • Avatar
    Linda M Schultz

    Why Dr Doss u dirty dog lmao

  • Avatar
    Brenna Shackelford

    I skydive and I’m an ER doc. I’m pretty sure that’s the most accurate Gomerblog I have ever read.

  • Avatar
    Aimée Marguerite

    True story: on the second date, my boyfriend, who is not at all in the medical field, asked me “can you explain to me the difference between anatomic and physiologic dead space?” I work in the NICU. So, yeah.

  • Avatar
    Patty Stauffer

    Very funny! The fill ins were great also!! Funny

  • Avatar
    Anonymous

    Sunny Tathgar

  • Avatar
    Emily Wilson

    Carmel Walsh-Stansfield Kellie Wight you will love this.

  • Avatar
    Angela Rini Wilson

    I think it’s for spouses as well!

  • Avatar
    Georgia Moffat

    Hahaha so good!

  • Avatar
    Angela Rini Wilson

    Mudfight?

  • Avatar
    Sarah Dimsha Boswell

    Pretty funny.

  • Avatar
    Shelby Coleman

    Georgia Moffat Renee Milliken

  • Avatar
    David Boswell

    Sarah Dimsha Boswell

  • Avatar
    Angela Rini Wilson

    LMAO!

  • Avatar
    Molly Teich

    Baahaahaaa! Also strangely accurate.

  • Avatar
    John Le

    Mike, I need you to check my prostate

  • Avatar
    Nick Watson

    Radiology is on point, always talking about their stocks Hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Nick Watson

    Radiology is on point, always talking about their stocks Hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Nick Watson

    If only there was a vulture emoji

  • Avatar
    Annabelle Baker

    Tips 4 U Nick Watson

  • Avatar
    Nick Watson

    Christ.

  • Avatar
    Natalie Jean

    Matt Loewen

  • Avatar
    Annabelle Baker

    Georgia Kate Camille Vickneswaran Alannah Jackson

  • Avatar
    Stacy Schmidt

    Cavieties….

  • Avatar
    Stacy Schmidt

    Cavieties….

  • Avatar
    Stacy Schmidt

    Ummmm

  • Avatar
    Sophie Maree

    Hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Sophie Maree

    Hahahaha

  • Avatar
    Krystal Dinh

    Cate Rose Jean Amanda Tess

  • Avatar
    Brea Clarke

    Might be lucky

  • Avatar
    Varun Malyala

    The best of gomer blog..you guys are ridiculously funny…!

  • Avatar
    Linda Ranne Barberi

    They’re all about culture and sensitivity.

  • Avatar
    Naveed Yousuf

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Lillah Grinnell

    Ashley Martella

  • Avatar
    Mari Madeleine

    Flight medicine: seduce with 1.510 hours of F-16 BFM, followed by a high-speed low level pass over a beautiful beach, saying, “that’s epic!” If not still throwing up from the BFM, she’ll thank you for great sex, and an epic flight!

  • Avatar
    George Doss

    Ummm bring it

  • Avatar
    Michael Sierra

    Psychiatry? neurology?

  • Avatar
    Joyce Tedrow Lawwill

    A hoot!

  • Avatar
    Paula Bevers

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Ken Benton

    That was great.

  • Avatar
    Darlene Bannon

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Helen Aanstoos

    Yeah and what about infectious diseases?

  • Avatar
    Sophie Maree

    Brea Clarke

  • Avatar
    Judy Angel Luukkonen

    You are safe Lori Gray, no hospitalist category!

  • Avatar
    Eileen Antilla-Turner

    Lesley Trabeaux Wininger, I’m dying, seriously….

  • Avatar
    Amanda Balzer-Costin

    Turn on all the lights, wear a sexy hospital gown with non slip footwear. Now set the mood-turn on a sound machine with rhythmic beeps and BOOPS! Go forth and have fun, in a twin sized bed. Just make sure to have PT evaluate before you get OOB

  • Avatar
    Maria Nikolova-Ovcharov

    :)

  • Avatar
    Roman Reznik

    Pulmonology icu?

  • Avatar
    Anthea O’Neill

    Hahaha definitely! I’ll do some research :P

  • Avatar
    Leah Smith

    Gastroenterology??

  • Avatar
    Jess Head

    Anthea is this something we need to practice? ?

  • Avatar
    Kathy Henson

    Lol. I was going to say “fill out some paperwork for her and let her take a nap”.
    Because that would work.

  • Avatar
    Jim Keffer

    Thankfully, nothing listed for pediatricians.

  • Avatar
    Kristin Nelson

    Funny!

  • Avatar
    Michael Melnick

    Gloria E Long

  • Avatar
    Mobeen Reza

    Chad Siewers why isn’t this in first aid

  • Avatar
    Leah Reames

    0438. Three hrs to go. Thank you, Molly J Richardson. Xo

  • Avatar
    Jason Morell

    Hilarious

  • Avatar
    Adela Delic

    Lol

  • Avatar
    Christie Shanafelt

    Family medicine? Oh wait, we’re completely abstinent due to all we’ve seen.

  • Avatar
    Barbara Cummings Reed

    Ew.

  • Avatar
    Kristi Berry Pedler

    Clash of Clans level made me spew my coffee!

  • Avatar
    Christopher John Reed

    Molly Teich

  • Avatar
    Hannah Querin

    Sarath Naidu Bodapati derm

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