NEW YORK, NY – Reports are coming in from NYU where Joy Behar was hospitalized recently. Due to her recent celebrity status among health care workers she was given a “hospital suite” in the ol’ abandoned psych ward.
Not only was she given a “suite,” but since many health care companies have pulled their advertising from The View, they went a step further and stated they “didn’t want any of their products treating Ms. Behar.” Pretty much everything was removed from her room, even a stethoscope. Glaxo-Smith-Kline, Kimberly-Clark, and many others followed in Johnson and Johnson’s footsteps. “We do not want our product associated with her in any form commercials or treatment,” the companies released in a joint statement.
“We essentially had nothing to treat Ms. Behar,” said Nurse Robinson. “Most importantly: do no harm, even if a View host is your patient. How are we going to treat her if we don’t have anything to use?”
“Well, we dug around in the basement and we found some mercury, Allobathy’s Snake Oil, and a bloodletting kit,” another nurse told reporters. “We’ll just have to make do,” Dr, Lockwell told reporters. Luckily for Joy, Dr. Lockwell is the nation’s top bloodletting expert.
She continually asked aloud, “Why are there so many people here pretending to be doctors?” When a phlebotomist came in to draw her 4 liters of blood for a VIP bloodletting, “Why do you have doctors’ needles, and all those doctors’ tubes and buckets of blood?”
Joy also couldn’t grasp why she had so many people trying to be a doctor when they “checked my blood pressure: wannabe doctor. When I started to faint because of my treatment: another wannabe doctor next to the vent. Wannabe doctors are everywhere!”