Empty Lubricant Packet Found In Hospital Sleep Room Creates More Questions Than Answers

BOCA RATON, FL – Staff hospitalist Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram was surprised to find a used lubricant packet in in the hospital call room.  The doctor has launched an extensive investigation into the matter and has come up empty-handed so far.

medical call room“I mean, it’s very unlikely that a previous doctor would have performed a rectal exam here,” offered the confused physician.  “But I would’ve then expected to see guaiac cards and solution.”

“Could the person who used this been trying grease his or her pager to get it out of its holster?  I remember one time when I had to dip my pager in coconut oil to have a smoother pager draw.  Or maybe the doctor had chapped lips!  Yeah, that’s it!  I hear some people use KY Jelly as lip balm, right?  Right?!”

Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram begrudgingly began to review the call schedule to see who was in the room the previous night, but then stopped himself because he figured he’d rather just not know.  The hospitalist became even more concerned about the possibility of “the unthinkable” when he noticed that the TV channel in the room had been left on the E! Entertainment Network.

“You know, I was thinking about taking a cat nap for the next hour or two but I think I’d rather just stay up and do some charting and coding query responses,” whispered Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram, before using a napkin on the sleep room door handle and rushing out.