Leader of Anti-Vax Movement: Large Sentient Flu Virus

  • 736


Berkely, CA – The Anti Vaccination ring leader was injured Thursday during a big Pharma raid that occurred about 2 o’clock PST.  “We tried to go in and take out the source of the insurgency,” Dr. Donald Withers told reporters. Dr. Withers is leading the national fight against the ‘Anti-Vaxers.’ “We’ve been taking them out one by one. Each raid we gather more intel that lead us to Thursday’s raid, and we were this close to catching their boss,” he said as he held up right hand showing an inch between his finger and thumb.

The team of doctors busted down the front door to the leader’s home only to stop dead in their tracks. “We were stunned,” Dr. Joshua Hurwitz, said. Dr. Hurwitz is another team member who was in charge of showing the target study after high powered study refuting  the claim that vaccines are dangerous. “There he stood over six-foot tall, single-celled and all, a large influenza virus. I dropped all my papers on the ground, it was a mess,” He said has he pushed up his glasses off the bridge of his nose.

The team saw computers everywhere that were logged into countless forums and websites, clearly the work of a kingpin spreading internet propaganda. The raid was stopped short when all six team members stood in the living room frozen, in shock at the large influenza virus. “All the virus said, in big booming voice, was: You are murdering my people! Stop killing off our women and children, they have families to feed and they need your lung tissue to do it!”

Influenza has been relatively kept under control for many years, but due to many fears among people about the vaccine it is making comeback. “If I only brought my Tamiflu aerosolizer bomb,” Dr. Withers stated in regret.

The absolute shocker was the guest this large sentient influenza virus had in his house: Pertussis. Both escaped quickly but not without Dr. Hurvitz shouting out some data proving the effectiveness of vaccines which injured influenza on his way out. “I can’t believe she was there too,” Hurvitz said referring to pertussis. “I wish I would have been quicker with my data, maybe I would have killed both.”

The medical community is excited that they have a face [cell] at the top of the whole anti-vax movement. “The evidence gathered at this raid was priceless.  We have names of many people in the Anti-vax network. We even found Jenny McCarthy‘s underwear in his room, she must be sleeping with the large virus… somehow.”

“It makes perfect sense now,” Dr. Withers said. “He doesn’t want his people to die so he’s been spreading lies about the only effective way to eradicate his kind off the planet. But I won’t rest until we get the bastard.”

  • Show Comments

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

You May Also Like

MICU surprised

No Neurology Consult: MICU Intern Startles All

879SharesPHILADELPHIA, PA – During their daily rounds on all the patients with altered mental ...

119th opinion

Patient Goes for Record 119th Opinion

263SharesCHICAGO, IL – Enthusiastically leaving opinions one and two in the dust, patient Mark ...


Ophthalmologists Bracing Themselves for Full Day of Work after Solar Eclipse

12.9KSharesSalem, OR – Ophthalmologists throughout the country are bracing themselves for what could be ...

Samsung Galaxy Pager fire

Samsung Galaxy Pager Explodes, Intern in Critical Condition

945SharesDURHAM, NC – An internal medicine intern Becky Lambert is in critical condition today after her ...

female physician

Physician Still Hasn’t Received Her Big-Pharma Payout

1.7KSharesSAN FRANCISCO, CA – Newly-minted attending physician, Dr. Lindsay Moliarty, has a pile of ...