blood sugar rises after Halloween

Overnight News: Nation Has 107 Point Average Rise in Blood Sugars After Halloween

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, reported that the nation’s average blood glucose level rose over 107 points per human last night during Halloween as 1.8 trillion tons of candy were consumed.  Children tended to peak around 10 p.m. EST, with adults peaking around 11 p.m. EST, likely due to the mandatory parent trick or treat candy tax being enforced as parents binged on their children’s candy bowl when they went to sleep.

The Surgeon General wouldn’t make specific broad insulin treatment recommendations for the nation, but did say, “Insulin doses need to be adjusted upward for those on insulin, and for those not on insulin, you need to just start now.  The holidays are coming and this is only going to get worse.”

Compounding the sugar issues from the evening, the problem persists in the morning.  87% of parents break down and allow their children to eat Halloween candy for breakfast prompting another spike in blood sugars around 8 a.m. EST today.  Diabetes forecasters anticipate the nationwide A1C level to increase next month and to continue to rise throughout the Holidays.  “Get on that sliding scale now!”

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  • Doktor Schnabel

    Plague doctor from 1622 who practices blood letting and medical satire. My beak has mint leaves and straw to protect myself from the plague...plus it looks good.

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