NEW YORK, NY – Richard Steel, a PGY-4 orthopaedic resident in New York City, was suspended from duties after failing to log his dates from the beginning of residency. As per the new ACGME guidelines set in 2014, all ortho residents are required to log all romantic endeavors that they partake in throughout their residency. This came into effect after a meta-analysis showed that the amount of dates that an orthopod goes on during residency is directly proportional to one’s success as an orthopaedic surgeon.
Dr. Steel, has expressed great distress about this recent disciplinary action taken upon him. “I don’t know where to go from here; I can’t even remember most of their names,” says Steel. He is not even sure the number of dates he has gone on since beginning his residency, but preliminary estimates speculate he has gone on over 100 in 2015 alone.
Residents are required to log the age of the other party, the location on which the date occurred, and whether or not they got lucky.
The Department of Orthopaedics is hiring private investigators to assist Dr. Steel in achieving proper documentation of his date log so that he may continue his training. “It would be a great loss to our program and specialty if Dr. Steel would come short,” says Lou Hefner, Chairman of Orthopaedics. “By the sheer volume of his numbers, he is destined to be a major player in the field.”
Meanwhile, Lester McButterscotch, chief resident of the internal medicine program, won the hospital chess tournament and a $5 gift card to Starbucks.