baywatch cpr

Surgical Chief Resident Calls for ‘Baywatch CPR’ on the 98-Year-Old Nursing Home Patient Admitted for Mental Status Changes

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As the first wave of respondents to the “code blue” call arrived at the 7 North nursing station, Dr. Stephanie Smith was overheard saying, “OK people let’s make a good show of this thing”.

Smith, who had become a self-described “realist” during her final year of training, made it abundantly clear to her eager intern, Dr. David Thomas,  that “you can count aloud and even stand on a stool  while you are giving compressions, but I want your elbows bending and absorbing the full extent of your efforts.

Under no circumstances is Mrs. McGillicutty’s  sternum to actually move up and down”.   Dr. Thomas was becoming visibly upset that he may not be able to fully relay this episode at his family’s upcoming Thanksgiving Dinner.

Much to the code team’s relief the nursing supervisor was able to take a quick break from spinning rapidly in circles and shouting “Who is running the code?” in order to come up with the appropriate DNR paperwork.

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  • MD aware… no action taken

    Dr. “MD aware… no action taken” was born in a small town just outside of a big town. He graduated last in his class from grade school, high school, college and Med School so he was forced to become a surgeon. Knowing that one’s late 20s and early-to-mid 30s are generally overrated he decided to spend that time focused on becoming mildly overweight while removing various organs in the middle of the night from Americans that were also overweight. A living testimony to Einstein’s “definition of insanity”, he went on to become a specialist where he performs the same operations over and over with expectations of a different result. His accolades include having received 1 “thank you” note after several years of practice!

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