NEW YORK, NY – As one of the largest blizzards in history hits the east coast this weekend, many teaching hospitals are making plans to help keep patients alive. That plan involves not having a single staff physician present in teaching hospitals while having medical and surgical residents sheltering in place at the hospital.
Experts are anticipating 48-72 hours of hospital call for the residents this weekend until snow plows can open the roads. Residents will round on and perform surgery on any inpatients with attendings fielding questions from home. Calling will still be considered a “serious sign of weakness” according to 95% of attendings who wish to not be disturbed while sipping hot chocolate near a toasty fire.
“It is time for them to grow up and spread their wings,” said general surgeon Dr. Amy Knickedthebowel. “What better way to build up their confidence then during the blizzard this weekend.”
“Geez, back in the day I rarely ever saw my attending,” stated seasoned Anesthesiologist Dr. Mark Gaspass. “I think they would sign the charts to our patients, but that was about it. We were on our own to figure things out, and we learned how to keep sick patients alive. It is time to cut the cord and get these residents to grow up.”
Residents are already stocking up on ginger ales and crackers in case hospital cafeteria food is on short supply. Scrub hoarding is occurring with resident starting to realize they may need 3-4 sets of scrubs over the next 4 days.
If the residents can keep all of their patients alive over the weekend, they will receive high praises and can graduate from residency 2 months early.
The ACGME has weighed in and still wants mandatory naps to be implemented. In order to compensate the residents for breaking their daily hour limits, a week-long trip to Belize in March will be mandated for all.