BOCA RATON, FL – Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram made international headlines for his shocking decision to sue himself after he misdiagnosed his own illness. “I demand justice for the flagrant disregard to medical standards of care which I exhibited by convincing myself that I had the common cold despite actually suffering from an acute influenza infection. I will be made to pay the price for this violation of the sanctity of the doctor-patient-doctor relationship.”
The so-called “Medical Trial Of The Century” got underway 2 weeks ago, with Court TV reporters and news correspondents cramming into the courtroom gallery. In another bizarre twist, Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram filed the necessary paperwork to represent himself not only as a defendant but also as a plaintiff.
The media circus was whipped into a frenzy when, in an intense scene yesterday, the physician was held in contempt of the court after badgering himself as a witness. Today, during closing statements, lead prosecutor Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram stunned the thunderstruck jury by yelling, “If the swab ain’t dipped, you must convict!”
“Listen, I didn’t think I needed to send out an influenza swab on myself based on the constellation of symptoms I was experiencing,” offered the maligned Dr. Sri-Sheshadariprativadibayankaram. “But I should have known better. I made a grievous error by not sending out an influenza swab, and I must suffer the consequences.”
The doctor continued, “To make matters worse, I didn’t do any sort of documentation via a mandatory electronic medical record. Not only that, I casually mentioned my own illness at a social event to multiple people, thereby forcing me to turn myself in for multiple HIPAA violations. What was I thinking?! I ‘m going to sue myself for everything I have!”
The only other medical malpractice trial in recent memory which garnered similar attention was the 2013 lawsuit in which Dr. Seuss was posthumously sued based on the grounds of giving aberrant dietary recommendations to patients in his famous composition “Green Eggs and Ham.”