personality disorder

New Contagious Disease Recognized: Defensive-Irrational Personality Disorder (DIPD)

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“The incorporation of Defensive-Irrational Personality Disorder (DIPD) into the ICD-10 is a welcome addition.  DIPD has long been recognized, but never before incorporated into a formal document to allow for billing or other forms of scientific acceptance,” reports Dr. James Rubik of the National Association for the Advancement of National Associations (NAANA).”

personality disorderDIPD is characterized by strongly defensive postures with dominant irrational characteristics. It is most evident whenever there is even a tiny risk of being proven wrong.  Confirming signs of the disorder include rapid emotional responses, direct ad hominem attacks on the messenger, spontaneous uncontrolled hurling of belittling and irrelevant insults and swears, putting political bumper stickers on ones car, and flapping of the hands while walking away.

Signs of the milder but equally destructive form is the DIPD patient’s insistence “to agree to disagree” while having every intention to subsequently force everyone else to do what he demands.  This form of DIPD allows for the avoidance of the dangers of reason entirely, while posturing about the moral high ground.  Those who have this disorder are very sick indeed.

Physicians are not immune to the condition.

The etiology is unclear.  It may have been an army experiment that got loose.  Indeed, DIPD appears to be a contagious illness.  Evidence for this includes the sudden increase in diagnosis of DIPD since the code was released, suggesting a rapid infectious spread. Importantly, DIPD may be transmitted by contact, through the air, and notably (and as a first for the CDC), through cyberspace via social network discussion forums.

Activating triggers for the severe symptomatology seem to be any rational well-thought out proposal that questions any current paradigm held by the patient.  Additional triggers include receiving information or news from any source other than the mainstream media. As is the case for other personality disorders, there is no known treatment for DIPD.  The outcomes are either gradual reversion to apathy, or aggressive expansion until the patient decays into being an outright fascist.  The process can take decades, and the only certain cure is death.

Supportive criteria for the diagnosis include: an antecedent bite on the right ear by a turkey buzzard (black, grey or NOS), not involving the lobe, requiring less than three stitches, while being towed on burning water skis.  However, this history is not always remembered by the patient, and therefore often not reported to the physician.

The incidence of DIPD is substantial.  A recent meta-analysis has established that 50% of the population of the United States fits the diagnostic criteria for DIPD.  Studies are underway to determine which 50% of the population that is.

John Hunt, MD is a pediatric pulmonologist, allergist, immunologist and author of a satirical medical novel, “Assume the Physician,” “Higher Cause,” and the just-released “Your Child’s Asthma – A Guide for Parents.”

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