WASHINGTON, D.C. – The hospital administrators at Great American Hospital (GAH) are shaking in their suits today as hundreds of RNs are picketing outside. Their complaint: a recent overhaul requiring nurses to care for no more than four patients per shift.
The change in hospital policy was long overdue, according to Barry Wolfman, CEO of the hospital. “It seemed like our nurses were so busy all the time, some did not even get to take their required 30-minute breaks! Having more than 4 patients is far too much work for one person to accomplish in a twelve hour shift.”
Despite the CEO’s confident affirmation of the new policy, it is certainly not well received by the hospital’s nursing staff.
“What am I going to do all day if I’m not running around pulling my hair out with tasks? And who is going to constantly ask me for juice and crackers?” screamed Emma Grullon, a seasoned staff nurse.
“It’s insulting, really! Four patients? They think I can’t take care of more than four patients in one day? I can deal with seven, eight, nine even!” yelled another RN, who refused to state her name.
One nurse, a new graduate, was abruptly removed by security from the picketing party outside of the hospital. Sources claim that the new grad supported the policy, stating that she will have more time with each of her patients, and that they will all be safer as a result. Her ignorance enraged the party, putting her in immediate and justified danger.
“She’s still a kid, she doesn’t even know what she’s doing!” The group yelled.
The new policy at GAH was implemented three days ago, with the strike beginning just hours afterward. The strike caused a complete halt to all patient care, and the hospital has shut its doors for the time being. It is as if a hospital cannot effectively function without happy nurses.