Hospitalists manage extremely complex disease processes that require intense critical thinking and deep analysis to properly diagnose and treat.

Bones, however, are quite straightforward. If they hurt, they may be broken or fractured. If they are broken, you get Ortho on board, and Ortho fixes them. There are various different ways they fix bones, but we just call it ORIF regardless – it is of no clinical significance which manner they use to fix the bone.

If the bones are not broken or are only “fractured”, and we call Ortho, Ortho gets upset. But we do not mind that. We take care of their broken hip patients, so they should have to do things they don’t like doing also because otherwise that is NOT FAIR.

Still, how do you get Ortho on board? The American Board of Hospitalists published an algorithm for exactly this purpose, to help you properly work up any patients’ Orthopaedic complaints. Always remember, do not order ice, elevation, or pain medication for an extremity. Only Ortho can do that.

ortho algorithm

Dr. Ill N. Fill III
"The eldest son of Ill N. Fill Jr, M.D., a widely renowned carpenter (who also happened to have a medical degree), Dr. Fill III is a self-proclaimed "O.G.". He has never paid to be a "Top Doctor" however, he bears the title of "illinest doctor East of the Mississippi" and is "the popularest guy in the OR". He is very good at drilling holes in bones, and filling those holes with titanium screws. He loves to drill, and to fill. He has even drilled and filled before morning rounds, and once during a carpal tunnel release. He is best known for holding his drill sideways, a technique he has described and submitted (unsuccessfully) to multiple journals under the title "Gangsta". When he is neither drilling nor filling, Dr. Fill III likes to listen to hardcore 90's rap while writing articles for Gomerblog, which allows him to channel all the rage that other services create inside of him when they try to "cramp his style" and keep him from drilling and/or filling. His favorite pasttime is "power tools." That is also what he wrote down for "favorite food," "favorite color," and "sex." He may or may not be illiterate. But he sure can drill a hole.