Headlines from the Week in Medical News

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ROCHESTER, NY – After two-year grant-writing process, associate professor of medicine’s submission to JAMA’s “funny cartoon caption contest” fails peer review process.

57899494_sAKRON, OH – Patient with Kluver-Bucy Syndrome made NPO except for meals.

BOSTON, MA – Third-year medical student receives high pass in vascular surgery clerkship; DeBakey forceps to receive honors.

ROCHESTER, MN – Emergency Department admits patient AMA (against medical advice).

JACKSONVILLE, FL – ESRD patient discharged before area medical student finishes H&P with 156 item-long differential for hyperkalemia.

CHARLESTON, SC – Chair of Medicine Department disappointed with audience reception to antibiotic pun during introduction of Grand Rounds speaker, even after repeating it louder.

PORTLAND, OR – Nephrology and Infectious Disease interdepartmental field trip to Brooks Brothers for bow tie sale cancelled due to inclement weather.

ATLANTA, GA – Hospital administrators decry “rampant” grade inflation at local teaching hospital; average patient murmur now III/VI.

PALO ALTO, CA – Cardiology fellow overwhelmed by flavor choices at Cold Stone Creamery due to lack of prospective randomized control trials.

HARRISBURG, VA – Beekeeper stung, develops hives.

WORCESTER, MA – To simplify ICD-10 coding, all Americans now given diagnosis of pre-pre-diabetes at birth.

NEW HAVEN, CT – Indiana Jones arrested for breaking into myocardial perfusion suite in attempt to steal reported wall motion artifact; claimed it belongs in museum.

PROVIDENCE, RI – Lonely physical therapist who lives at SNF consistently assesses patients as needing “SNF with PT.”

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