WASHINGTON, D.C – Earlier today during a pick-up basketball game with congressional notables, President Obama attempted a slam dunk and landed awkwardly on his outstretched left hand. Sitting stunned and in pain, he cradled his obviously deformed wrist while Nancy Pelosi and others stood nearby, chatted casually, and waited for the court to clear.
Without them seeing, Vice President Biden sidled over and slipped the President a Vicodin before the Secret Service agents assisted the President into the White House.
Wishing to steer clear of a media blitz and a long emergency room wait, Michelle googled “District Columbia orthopedic surgeon” and began making calls to nearby offices. To avoid accusations of seeking preferential treatment, she chose not to identify herself or the patient. She learned that, yes, there were same-day appointments available; but once she mentioned “Obama Care,” long silences were followed by gasps, mumbling, or statements such as, “Wait, the lights just went out again. Not sure we paid our electric bill. Tough times.”
The President’s wife then enlisted the help of the White House operators who began trying offices in Bethesda, Silver Spring, and Arlington and hinting who the patient was. Several offices said the best they could do was a next-day appointment but to expect a long wait in the office because of changes brought about by the Affordable Care Act.
By this time, the President had added several Motrins, and with the help of ice and elevation he was no longer in agony. He studied his wrist and ruminated, “I can live with the deformity, and Uncle Joe is good for more Vicodin.” The President then asked Michelle to go out for an Ace bandage even though he was uncertain how much of it their insurance would cover.
On the way to the Pennsylvania Avenue Walgreen’s, Michelle saw the basketball cadre in high spirits, mimicking jump shots and behind-the-back passes as they strode up Capitol Hill. Although the limo window was up, Michelle could hear them chanting, “Single payer, Barack’s our player.”