Startling Report: CDC Recommends Against Vaccinations, Anti-Vaxxers Now Demanding Their Right to Vaccinate

ATLANTA, GA – After a funding change, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) completed a meta-analysis using super statistical procedures and skewed graph scales, which showed that the rate of significant adverse events by vaccinations is too magnanimous to ignore.  They recommend immediate cessation of all vaccination programs.

“I demand this shot now!”

“I just cannot believe people are so blind to the lies and agenda of the CDC,” says ex-anti-vaxxer Hunter Green.  “They’re just being paid off by vaccine injury lawyers.”

“We need complete transparency of where these ‘scientists’ are getting their funding.  The government just wants to be paid off by big law firms that make billions of profits annually from vaccine courts,” says Jenny, mother of a to-be-vaccinated child.

The CDC recently received a sum of money from anti-vaccine court consultants.

The meta-analysis shows that vaccines cause allergies, autism, excessive flatulence, eyesight failure at night, sweat during physical activity, inflammation when scratching, sensations of cold when holding cold things, hunger when waking, elevated visions when sleeping, thirst for knowledge, Trump confusion, and death.

Despite these risks, many parents are mad at doctors and scientist that blindly follow the CDC report.  “My son could be at risk of unnecessary toxin burden from tetanus or develop disabilities from Polio.  All because they’re not allowing us the right to vaccinate our children,” says another anti-CDC activist.  “Scientists are just trying to scare us out of protecting ourselves – all to pad the pockets of big-Law.”

“I can’t even imagine the inflammatory response that my body will have to overcome after all these unnecessary diseases.  I’m going to have to do so many detoxes,” says Harmony Rose.

Parents are also concerned that if their child gets an infection they could pass that infection onto other children.  “I just could not live with myself if my Andy got sick and got my sisters kids sick too.  Or what if I pass measles onto my unborn child?”

Underground networks of anti-CDC physicians and nurses are stockpiling remaining vaccines to make sure they can provide patients with low dose antigen exposure.  “It’s unusual, but we’re willing to go against the recommended CDC vaccine schedule of zero vaccines and give an alternative schedule for concerned patients.”

The CDC investigators have made no comment at the time of this publication.

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