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Breaking: Patient States His Medical History Should “All be in the Computer”

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CHARLESTON, SC – Breaking News emerged today out of South Carolina’s Emergency Department of Save Us All Memorial Hospital (SUAMH). A 57-year-old patient arrived with a chief complaint of abdominal pain and when asked about his medical history he replied, “It should all be in the computer.”

doctor patient
“It should all be in the computer…that is GENIUS”

“Why did I NEVER think of that before,” proclaimed EM Physician Dr. Lorna Vickens. “We have these amazing EHRs just sitting right in front of us.  Why not use them?”

ER Triage Nurse, Tom Neels, was also flabbergasted by the insightful concept. “All of these years I was asking patients about their medical history when I could have just pushed this button on the computer and pulled up everything I needed.”

The patient’s marvelous idea originally had many skeptics, but now even those skeptics are recognizing the accuracy and completeness of our EHRs.  “At first I thought, what the hell was this patient thinking?” pondered Dr. Mike Waters. “After realizing that the EHRs are 100% accurate and comprehensive, I knew he was onto something.  The ease and simplicity of sifting through gigabytes of sensibly placed click boxes and copy and pasted spreadsheets of data is also WAY easier than just asking the patient. I was just thinking the other day that I have never seen an error in anybody’s EHR, so it should be a foolproof way to get data.”

Hospital administrators are already jumping on this new idea, even naming the campaign “Just Look It Up In The Computer.”  Many hospitals are now persuading nurses and doctors to avoid talking to patients altogether about their medical history.  Future initiatives will include salary reductions for providers who ask patients any past medical history as it should all be in the computer.

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