preying on interns

New Law Now Requires Nurses to Obtain Hunting License Before Preying on New Interns

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SACRAMENTO, CA – The controversial bill which aims to protect new interns from being exploited by hospital staff was signed into law by Governor Monee Grab last Tuesday. However, the backlash of this well-intentioned bill is only now coming to fruition.

Leaders of the Society of Nursing in Academic Centers of Excellence, or SNAKE, are outraged at the ramifications of the bill. Vera Pretentiss LPN.BSN.RN.PhN, president of SNAKE, had this to say, “I can say for all of the members of SNAKE that there are very few aspects of our jobs that we find rewarding. Unfortunately, with this proposal, a nurse’s right to torture new interns to death is being threatened. Nurses will not stand seeing the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed intern become labeled as a threatened animal with restricted hunting rights.”

Weeramia Orders, a 2016 BSN graduate but already master Pintrista has concerns that the current medical system will be unsustainable if this bill is enacted.

“If interns won’t be expected to go back and add orders for medications given into the EMR following a code, or reenter orders for bloodwork that clotted off, who will? I can’t be expected to ask a real person to do that. That’s the whole reason there are interns, right? Someone needs to notice the patient is hypotensive when I’m looking at purses online.”

The bill is being further scrutinized following the news that Grab’s heartwarming story about his mother being cared for in the hospital and the female intern who was duped by her nurse into thinking that she was responsible for all patient turns and lifts was a hoax, and that the bill is really just a moneymaking opportunity for the state. When asked for comment Grab stated, “Big game licenses generate big money. And besides, I would never realize that a woman was a physician.”

Newly-graduated MDs were contacted for comment, but declined citing enjoying their last days of freedom.

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