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Medical Student Essays: Trying to Get Out of Military Service

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I just want to help medical students who have taken an HPSP scholarship to write a better letter to military program directors as to why they are unable to come on active duty and enroll in a military residency. I find the 10-15 letters I receive every fall as a military residency director are very unfocused and clearly take the writer a significant amount of time. I hope to streamline the process so they spend almost as little time writing their letter as I do reading it.

Dear Military Program Director:

I am a millennial. I accepted a health professional scholarship to attend medical school four years ago. Since then, I have found a civilian residency that I would prefer to enroll in. You don’t know me as I have tried to ghost the system.

I have never earned your trust or respect. Can you please stick your neck out and take on a mountain of paperwork and get me out of my requirement to complete a military residency please. (question mark optional, because you really aren’t asking you are telling this knuckle dragger…) I have realized, I am too smart for your program. I have been promised a spot in a residency at a first rate program.

It behooves the Army/Navy/Air Force to train me at this program so I can then come and teach you real medicine when I am done. Also, (insert tragic backstory of why you need to be close to your sick mom or dad and this civilian residency is conveniently right near them). No, I apologize but I can’t provide documentation of my parent’s illness, as I wouldn’t want to violate their privacy or reveal my deceit.

Thanks

2LT/ENS Smarter ThanYou

PS – When I am done with my residency, I plan to get out of my commitment again by claiming I am a conscientious objector and telling you about the sweet job I got in private practice in my hometown. I know you will understand. You have spent 15-18 years in the military and 3-4 of those years were in a war zone. I am sure you understand why I just totally can’t keep up my end of the bargain. If you do make me come on active duty, I will be a total malcontent throughout my payback and I will dodge every deployment. I will point out that I am smarter than all of you and how the institution I trained at did things, because after all it was better than your military hospital. I will try to call in sick and I will have 6 grandparents die and need to take emergency leave to attend the funerals.

Hope that helps all of you HPSP students in this difficult situation of having taken a scholarship and not wanting to meet your half of things because, you know, it’s the military and it sucks.

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