Hospital Employees Organize Christmas Strike After Festivus Snub

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NEW YORK – Workers at the Newman Medical Center in Queens, NY have organized a Christmas Day strike after hospital administration failed to acknowledge Festivus as a holiday.  Based on the initial 2016 holiday schedule, employees working on Festivus were to be paid overtime, and accrue additional PTO, for volunteering to work the holiday.  However, upon arriving to work, employees were shocked to find this was not the case.

strike“During our morning shift report, our charge nurse informed us the that NMC administration is refusing to offer overtime pay for Festivus, but that wasn’t even the half of it,” claimed Francine Costanza, RN.

In addition to the lack of holiday pay, none of the Festivus customary practices were observed.  “The hospital was full of distracting tinsel, and they refused to purchase our aluminum pole.”  Nurse Costanza and her colleagues arranged for delivery of a re-usable pole that fit the very high strength-to-weight ratio required.  However, the hospital felt that Stryker’s $8,000 129-5A aluminum pole was too expensive.

“We were very upset with the hospital’s decision to renege on their agreement.  What made it even worse, was that Human Resources decided to take the entire week off.  Having the ability to air our grievances is a Festivus tradition!  I have a lot of problems with this hospital, but who is around to hear about it?”

To appease the staff, the hospital cafeteria prepared a traditional dinner of meatloaf, but it appeared to be too little, too late.  “The final straw was when they suspended Kosmo the radiology tech,” said Nurse Costanza.  Per Festivus tradition, Kosmo tackled the Neuroradiology attending to try best him in a feat of strength. Kosmo went on to say, “I thought my shift would be over once the head of the department was pinned.”

NMC administration is eagerly trying to find staff to cover the Christmas Day shift, but are afraid it will take a miracle to resolve the issue in time.

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