female doctor

Resident is “Finally Free” as She is Sentenced to Jail

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DALLAS, TX – Olga J. Sampson, a second-year surgical resident, is finally free.  She was sentenced yesterday to three months of jail time following her pleading “definitely guilty” for stealing the hospital property in broad daylight.  She’ll be trading in her OR greens for orange prison scrubs and she couldn’t be happier.

female doctor
“Finally headed to jail for a break!”

“I mean I just needed a break and so I’m really happy with the judge’s final verdict,” she said with a smile.  “I mean I’ll finally have time to rest up, meet new people, eat three times a day and pursue hobbies I’ve let go like exercising, reading, and sleeping.  My parents and boyfriend said they’d visit once a week and so I’m really excited to catch up with them too.”

We asked her what led her to steal the Code Blue crash cart and wheel by security cameras repeatedly shouting her full name.  “During my last weekend off about 2 or 5 months ago, I decided to have a well deserved GCS 6 day (E4V1M1) and unwind and relax in front of the TV – you know, Netflix and chill for the lay person.

She continued.  “I ended up watching uplifting, civil-rights themed comedies like The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and Orange is the New Black.  I became very envious of their living situations when I compared it to my life at the hospital.  Here they are showering once a day, eating cafeteria fine cuisine, enjoying regular sleeping hours in clean sheets and having the time to create relationships with people from different walks of life.  These are luxuries in residency that I long for.  Considering my debt and that my vacation requests seem to always be mysteriously never received, this was the best option for some downtime.  Hopefully I’ll get matched to a prison with other first-year felons and decent senior felons.”

When asked about whether she is afraid of being intimidated or harassed in prison, she literally ROFL, got up and replied, “Not really.  I’m used to being yelled at by people with shanks.  I mean sure, some felons and officers in those movies look unfriendly.  But bistoury please, do you even know what happens in the OR when you drop the Trocar?  Because I do!  At least the officers refer to them respectfully by their title Inmate!”

When asked if she had any last words, Inmate Sampson said composedly, “I really have no regrets, I’m finally free!  Live free or arrest!”  She was then escorted by court-martials towards her new residence.

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