New Hospital Policy Aims to Punish Patients for Lying

ORLANDO, FL – Have you ever been a victim of a lying patient, such as someone who lies about the intensity of their pain or medication compliance? What about those female patients who vehemently deny the possibility of being pregnant or those who deny ever using recreational drugs? If so, then you will be glad to hear about the new policy implemented at the Disney Resort Hospital in Orlando. Patients who lie about their medical history will be subjected to having the phrase “I must not tell lies” engraved onto the back of their hand with a scalpel.

hospital lies
“A recent patient who lied”

“We believe this new policy will reduce medical error and healthcare expenditure,” said hospital CEO Mark Roades. “Furthermore, the permanent scar that will result from engraving these words onto the back of a patient’s hand will help healthcare providers identify which patients are full of shit!”

The idea for this policy was inspired by Professor Dolores Umbridge, the crazy b**ch from the Harry Potter series.