What Type of Emergency Room Patient Are You?

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Take this quiz to see how your local ER feels about you!

1. When I arrive to the Emergency Room:

a. I have no idea what to do
b. I walk up to the desk and then ask for a wheelchair
c. I ask how long the wait is
d. I make sure to include chest pain in describing whatever may be ailing me on this particular day as I know it gets me back to be seen faster

2. When providing my medical history in triage:

a. I hand them the nice little typed list that includes my medical history, allergies and home meds. My PCP advised me to have this in case of an emergency.
b. I say I’m not sure and hand over a bag of prescriptions I have taken at various times in the last year
c. I say I have no medical history
d. I say nothing has changed since last time I was here and I am out of norcos and xanax

3. On busy days where I am sent back to the waiting room:

a. I understand, a lot of people in front of me looked much sicker than I was
b. I ask if I can go get lunch and come back
c. I tell them my chest pain is worse and I am feeling faint
d. I ask why someone who came after me went back first and demand to speak to a manager

4. Once in the treatment area:

a. I am not sure what to expect
b. I ask if I have to get undressed
c. I ask for a warm blanket, footies and when I can get something to eat
d. I ask how much dilaudid the doctor ordered for me and if they remembered to order Benadryl too

5. When I am discharged:

a. I thank everyone for the great care they provided and call my PCP on the way to pick up my prescriptions and make my follow up appointment the ER advised me to make
b. I ask if I can get samples for my prescriptions, a work note for 1 week for my non specific vomiting and ask if I can take the gown home
c. I walk to the bathroom and then ask for a wheelchair to go out and a turkey sandwich, beverage and a cab voucher to go home
d. I ask to see the doctor or their boss to see why I can’t get more pain meds and why they won’t refill my Norco 10 prescription. I also ask for the patient rights advocate since I was treated so poorly but then remember I have the number in my phone

6. My Overall feelings about the Emergency Department:

a. What a great group of dedicated professionals committed to treating emergencies, they put up with so much
b. I don’t understand why they can’t just look at my records to get the information they need, aren’t all medical records linked together?
c. I wonder if I can call ahead next time and reserve a room?
d. Those people don’t care about me or my pain and I am calling my lawyer to sue them

See how you did:

If you answered mostly a’s: A is for awesome, you are an awesome, kind human being that helps health care workers keep their sanity as it is so refreshing to take care of someone as kind as you

If you answered mostly b’s: B is for better get it together Bro and figure out how life works, mostly importantly how an ER works or even look up the definition of an emergency. Doctors cannot usually diagnose without doing an exam or some tests. Make the effort to get a primary care doctor and learn how to take care of yourself.

If you answered mostly c’s: C is for confused, you are so confused, you can’t remember if you are at the Hilton or the hospital. You are only concerned about yourself and your next meal. Think about going to the Hilton next time, you don’t have to lie to get in faster and the amenities are probably better.

If you answered mostly d’s: D is for disaster and dilaudid, you are a menace to the healthcare system, you possibly have been fired as a patient from a hospital in your area due to your atrocious behavior towards the healthcare staff and the law suits you have filed against the hospital. Pain has never killed anyone but dilaudid has…..

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