elderly patient

Doctors become obsessed when elderly lady doesn’t obsess about her bowels

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Elderly Columbus resident Annette Smith was deemed mentally unfit after a recent hospitalization because she didn’t even realize she was supposed to shit every day.  On July 15th Ms smith presented to Riverside for a scheduled procedure.  Pre-op nurse Joe Adkins later told reporters, “nothing seemed off, she just seemed like a pleasant elderly lady.  It never occurred to me she would be crazy enough to ignore her bowels.  I’m just shocked.”

elderly patientMrs. Smith went to the OR around 2 pm for her procedure.  Her procedure was successful and after a brief recovery period in the PACU, she was transferred to the floor for recovery.

Nurses monitored her closely for the next 48 hours. Mrs smith seemed to be recovering well without issues, but as time went on, she failed to give her bowels even a second thought.  This prompted grave concern from seasoned nurse James brown.  Although mrs smith was fully  alert and oriented and appropriate, she seemed dangerously oblivious to the fact that she had not taken a shit since before admission.

After a day and a half without even the slightest utterance about her bowels, nurse brown made a call to share his concerns with attending physician Dr Nicole masters.  Neuro exam and mini mental status exam revealed cranial nerves to be intact and no obvious issue.  In spite of this, there was clearly an organic brain anomaly, because smith failed to mention her bowels even once.

When questioned about her lack of bowel obsession she seemed completely unbothered and even politely declined stool softeners.  She even displayed reckless disregard for her colon by saying. “is this docusate sodium even necessary?  I mean I’ll be home tomorrow and I haven’t eaten hardly a thing.  I’m sure I’ll be fine”.

This aberrant behavior earned Ms. Smith a cat scan, multiple labs,  and psych consult.  Thus far, all tests have come back negative, leaving doctors baffled as to the cause of her delirium. They have become obsessed with finding a cause for her lack of obsession about her bowels.

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