SALEM, MA – A major breakthrough is heralded today in the field of hospital medicine that promises to solve the eternal problem of provider fatigue while at the same time increasing hospital production. Sandy Curup, a local hospitalist who has for years struggled with burnout from long post-shift fatigue, long commute times while also maintaining production, has discovered a revolutionary idea.
“One day, as I was brooding about the admin email about increasing production, it hit me like a bolt of lightning,” Curup said as she lay in reverse Trendelenburg position in the quiet TB isolation room that she requested from bed-control for herself. “Why don’t I just admit myself into my own service?”
Curup ticked off the benefits of her bold new approach. “One, I am always utterly exhausted at the end of a shift, and probably in acute renal failure due to dehydration from lack of time to eat and drink. Two, I just increased my census so there will be less overnight admits. Three, the hospital wins to since my insurance reimburse at very high rate.”
Dr. Collin McLoughlin, a colleague of Dr. Curup and a leading expert on practice management, expressed cautious optimism about this new practice.
“Obviously, this pilot study needs to be expanded to see if it’s feasible on a larger scale. Still the results are compelling and I am certainly tempted to alter my practice.”
At press time, it was reported that Dr McLoughlin has admitted himself to his team, under ICD-9 code 780.79, “Exhaustion,” and left verbal orders for the patient to be not disturbed for labs or vitals prior to 7 AM.