A Sit Down with The World’s Most Insecure Suture

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CHICAGO, IL – For the first time ever insecure suture gives us her story.

We have all been in the OR and it happens. The attending steps aside and asks you, the fresh faced medical student, to throw some sutures or maybe a square knot. You step up to the side of the incision, knees weak from hours of standing, hands soaked in sweat from retracting, you take a deep breath in, and ask for a 4-0 Vicryl suture, pick-ups and would you believe it? The resident cuts your suture for you. Who’s the surgeon now? You throw some ties if you can call them that, and the resident rolls his eyes mutters good enough and you walk off with a story to call your mom with. We all know this story quite well but what about the suture? We sat down with that suture you just threw and asked her how she felt through this ordeal.

Interviewer: What is your name Ms. Suture?

Insecure suture: My name is Sally and I am an insecure suture.

Interviewer: I’m so sorry that this happened to you Sally. Can you tell us what led to this horrible situation?

Insecure suture: Yes of course. He was so young, merely a student. His hands were shaking, I could see him counting out the knots in his head but he must have gotten confused. He didn’t even bother to go around the needle driver twice. He merely did it once. I have a hole in the middle of me, what will I tell my friends? Every time I look in the mirror I feel so ugly. It just seems so unfair, why do I have to put up with this?

Interviewer: I know this is tough for you Sally. We’re gonna try to get you some help as soon as possible. Last question, do you have anything to say to the 3rd year medical student that put you in this situation?

Insecure suture: Yes I do. Please, I beg of you, my doe eyed friends. Secure your sutures!

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