Formula Reviews by Former NICU Babies

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“Similac Pro-Advance, complete nutrition for a baby’s first year… with added a 2’-FL Human Milk Oligosaccharide…an immune-nourishing prebiotic that circulates through the body,” – Abbot Laboratories Press Release

FRANKIE O., Ex-27 weeker


O.K., could there be a better formula? After two months of TPN and a grade IV bilateral germinal matrix hemorrhage, this stuff was like liquid gold to my intestines. One star off because it clogged my NG tube and I aspirated.

ELISE P., Ex-26 weeker


Oh. My. God. I’m pretty sure this gave me necrotizing enterocolitis. Boycott.

REBECCA S., Ex-34 weeker


Honestly, I was a hot mess when I was born. I had a lot of body image issues being IUGR and SGA and whatnot – but let me tell you, this formula gave me the calories and confidence I needed to hit that 5th percentile on my growth curve and not be persistently hypoglycemic. Snaps.

EMILY S., Ex-25-weeker


I’m not going to lie, I was really devastated when I first opened my semi-translucent vernix-glazed eyelids and found myself staring up at the unflattering fluorescent lighting of a NICU isolette. In utero, I always envisioned myself being born somewhere more interesting, like, Coachella, but whatever. I’m awarding three stars because the baby that was stuck next to me was named “Pino Noir.” Can you believe? Wait, what was the question again?

PRINCE GEORGE, (House of Winsdor), Ex-41-weeker


A libation of wonderous sorts. I do, however, recommend pairing with a smidge of liquid protein to prevent a long night of chundering.

SUNEET B., Ex-32-weeker


Socrates once said that “he who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like.” Bro obviously never tried this formula before.

NORTH WEST, 2-year-old Ex-35 weeker


Tried it at a party with Beyonce’s twins. Wildly underwhelmed.

ANDRE S., Ex-full term


Worst customer service ever. And still refusing to deliver on Postmates. Also, unclear why I was ever admitted to the NICU the first place. (Two stars only because I still got into Harvard).

GUY FIERI, 50-years-old


Ha ha! Hey guys, I’m really not sure how I ended up on this review chain. As someone who spends a lot of time on the road and has suffered from meat sweats since the tender age of two – I’ve gotta say, this formula really got me through some dark times. The texture is unique, kind of like lukewarm polenta mixed with refined beach sand? And the flavor, very understated. Would give more stars if I could!!!

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