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WASHINGTON – The American Heart Association (AHA) announced today the release of a new line of CPR mannequins, designed to more accurately reflect the appearance of everyday Americans.

“Part of our mission has always been to educate the public so that the life-saving practice of CPR can be utilized as frequently and effectively as possible,” explained Dr. Bostitch, Chief AHA Engineer, who designed the mannequins.

“Our new models will allow CPR trainees to be prepared for the types of patients they’re most likely to see in the field,” he continued.

The mannequins are significantly larger in size than the traditional models, with more pliable, doughy skin and thicker subcutaneous tissues, and are much more difficult to compress using the standard CPR technique.

Other features that have been incorporated into the models are ketchup stains around the mouth, pre-recorded screams from passerbys, and cigarette-smoke-scented plastic.

At press time, Dr. Bostitch could not be reached for comment as he was reportedly retrieving an AED.

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  • Phil Neutro

    Homo-sapien, resident of Earth, avid breather, hobbies include oxidative metabolism & general homeostasis

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