PHILADELPHIA, PA – Local health practitioners were stumped yesterday when local soccer mom (and tree hugger) Trina Woods discovered a baby tree growing over the location of her buried placenta. Indeed, this was not an error of punctuation nor a bad pun, but a literal tree with a human fetus hanging from one of the branches. Mrs. Woods originally decided to plant the placenta after the rootine delivery of her daughter, little realizing the implications.
On discovery of the new baby tree, local OB/GYN Bonnie Beaver decided to branch out and put in a urgent consult to botany. Local botanist Pete Moss took the call. “This is my chance to shine,” he said. “A lot of my classmates thought that I was crazy to go into botanical medicine after my clinic gave me the ax, but this proves them entirely wrong.” Fortunately, Dr. Moss was able to get to the root of the problem, and after some plucking, a healthy baby boy was born.
During the newborn exam, midwife Carrie Dibabi from neonatology diagnosed a rather advanced form of seborrheic dermatitis on the infant’s scalp, discovering that its bark was indeed worse than its bite.