Latest Research Suggests that a Nice Family Prognosticates Mortality in the Intensive Care Unit

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Abstract

————————————————————————————————————-Background

A group of 1594 (667 were excluded for lack of relative personality traits) patients in a large metropolitan hospital were enrolled in a research study that aims to prove that having a kind, genial, and respectful family could lead to a patient’s ultimate demise. This seemingly impossible data correlation is a known indicator of patient outcomes, amongst trained and well experienced intensive care staff. This phenomenon is especially true if the medical fragility of the patient was caused by no fault of their own.

Methods

Families were grouped by several characteristics into three subcategories. The categories took into consideration the level of civility and the overall friendly disposition of patient families admitted to the intensive care unit. The study subjects had to be in some form of coma or incapacitated state, so that they could not hear the behavior of their loved ones. The three categorical ratings were divided into: A) your family is awful. This group screamed, belittled, and in some instances abused the nurses. Group B) This group included families that were “meh” psychosocially normal with appropriate commentary. Lastly, group C) This subgroup showed actual empathy, concern, and were generally well liked by the nurses and other ancillary staff members. For this study, the participants grouped into category B (667 overall patients) were excluded from the study results for lack of necessary comedic effect.

Category A Patient Grouping

This category grouping (524 patients) included what the healthcare industry refers to as “cockroaches” these families live in squalor, blame education for the downfall of society, and lash out at those around them in an attempt to control situations they are unable to understand. These test subjects included a wide variety of societal miscreants.

Category C Patient Grouping

This category included (403) patient families who were pleasurable to be around. This group thanked the nurses and other staff members for their tireless work, dedication, and were seemingly grateful for the competent care provided by the nurses. They brought cookies and other small but meaningful gifts to the nurses. They hugged, photographed, and took interest in the nurses as people. They asked thought provoking questions and sought information to

understand their loved ones’ disease process. They were active participants in the healing process of their family member.

Conclusion

Of the 524 patients included in the categorical grouping of A, they had an overall survival of 71%, meaning a total of 374 survived to discharge. The category B group only yielded an overall survival rate of 21% meaning only 84.64 patients survived to discharge. The .64 of a patient included the discharge of a study participant with amputated upper and lower extremities. Oddly, the A group had a much higher rate of medical complication. Many experienced unnecessary post-operative complications, such as massive hemorrhage, surgical instruments remaining in intracavity, and multi-drug resistant organisms. Of the category C subjects, while they did experience an overall higher mortality rate, their complications were far less life-threatening. Many of their fatal complications included things like hang nails, rogue and unexplainable equipment malfunctions causing shock and arterial severance, and sudden unexplainable cardiac death. This data leads our experienced team to make the overall connection that they died because their family was nice.

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