Middle School Dance put on Contact Precautions

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Following the shocking display of “grinding” at last Fall’s Homecoming dance, local Gandy Middle School PTA President, Karen Sterling, pushed to prophylactically put the Spring Formal on contact precautions in anticipation of another possible outbreak. “It’s like our kids became different people, what got into them?” Karen said, after viewing a video recorded by one of the chaperones at the dance.

While most parents knew of case reports of similar incidents at other schools, the pathophysiology of the phenomenon was still not well understood by people born before 1988. Many at the PTA meeting were blindsided that “grinding” could happen at their children’s school.

“My sweet Emily certainly didn’t learn any of that in my house. And why aren’t we talking about that vulgar rap music?” Jennifer Netter, PTA member and Emily’s mom, asked. She was cautiously optimistic that the contact precautions would prevent “grinding” from recurring at the Spring Formal.

8th grader Emily Netter, when asked about the Fall dance, said “It was a lot of fun, I finally got to dance with Blake Nunnery, and he even said I was a better dancer than Mandy”

Multiple sources have confirmed that Blake is the cutest guy in the 8th grade class. He even recently started shaving his facial hair once a week. Blake was previously quoted describing Emily as “cool for a girl,” but had yet to express overt interest until the pivotal Fall Homecoming dance.

When Blake was asked about the proposed contact precautions, he didn’t seem concerned. “Hopefully if we are on contact, Emily won’t pull me away from dancing with Mandy this time”

Paying for the gowns and gloves was a contentious issue at the PTA meeting. J.J. Evans, stepdad of 7th grader Brian Hulse, and full-time hospital administrator, had the most popular idea. It involved tracking each attendee’s usage of punch, snacks, water, and other non-essential goods, while simultaneously not explicitly informing students that they are not complementary with admission. Guests would then receive a bill in the mail two to six months later.

“I’m no hero, it’s what I do.” Evans responded, when the PTA board called for him to be recognized at the meeting for keeping the Spring Formal financially viable given the heavy new burden of preventing another outbreak of “grind” dancing.

Other proposed precautions include UV lights at all auditorium entrances, a strict 1-to-4 chaperone-to-dancer ratio, and exclusive Christian rock music.

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