WASHINGTON, DC – Thousands of Doctors who read the National Rifle Association (NRA) tweet to “stay in their lane” suddenly realized that the NRA was right. Maybe they should just stay in their lane.
“Most of us went into medicine so we could sit in front of a computer and click boxes on an EHR,” stated Chief of Trauma Surgery at St. Mary’s, Dr. Robert Sneeders. “I say we just continue to ignore gun violence around us, stay in our lane like the NRA recommends, and continue clicking those EHR boxes.”
Another trauma surgeon, Dr. Rachel Myers had this statement to make: “Instead of talking about how to prevent gun related violence we need to sit back and thank the NRA for the continued business. Without gun trauma many of us wouldn’t have jobs and certainly our medical students would have less patients to practice chest tubes and needle decompressions on.”
Many other physicians agreed with Dr. Myers and wanted to thank the NRA for refocusing them back to what really matters in medicine. “I was really getting side tracked with my thinking, many maybe even calling it “self-important”, proclaimed Dr. Seth Arders, an internal medicine physician. “I was starting to think about ways that we might try to cut down on the number of gun related injuries and deaths. Crazy I know! I am being paid to fix people up and click boxes, NOT to think about prevention. I mean think about it, what I came up with a non-pharmaceutical way to prevent diabetes before it developed? I’d put A LOT of diabetes pharmaceutical companies out of business and that would be a terrible thing.”
A new statement from the American College of Physicians (ACP) reads:
“After much consideration from the very thorough and poignant NRA tweet, we have decided to retract all of our studies on gun violence. Our recommendation to request further funding for gun violence research from the CDC and other governmental agencies is simply not necessary, since there is a 100% chance that guns aren’t the issue, but rather the people using them. We would like to extend our sincerest appreciation for redirecting us appropriately and we apologize for getting off track.”