DAYTON, OH – A cutting-edge surgical robot has been approved by the FDA and purchased for use in the orthopedic suite at a local hospital.
The Dude-Vinci is perfectly calibrated to assist any orthopedic surgeon. It can hammer bone really really hard, or just kind of hard, depending on user preference. The surgeon’s viewing consul is designed to look like what the NFL refs use to review plays, and even blasts classic rock.
“It’s pretty much like the normal Da Vinci, but with like 4 hammers, instead of arms,” said manufactures rep Trent Broston. “It’s got a lot of other dope features too, that our test group of orthopedic surgeons really loved. You can cycle between two different voices, including action movie star and football quarterback. The software has a rudimentary AI system which allows it to say a couple of different things, including bragging about how many chin-ups it did at CrossFit, refusing to accept Anesthesia’s estimated blood loss, and an automatic timer so you never miss a dose of Ancef. You can also program it to give you a high five or fist bump at the end of a case.”
The robot also has a port that emits a small stream of Axe body spray, and a flirt with the nurse function which got rave reviews from the Orthopedic Reps in the room. They are also testing a ‘blame Anesthesia mode’ which has potential cross over to the other Da Vinci robots.
Overall, the staff in the room was receptive to using the new robot. The first total hip took seven hours, but once they got used to docking and undocking, they cut the time down to 6 1/2 hours.
The next day was way better, until after performing a 4-hour shoulder scope, the Dude-Vinci went down for maintenance. The flood of irrigation short circuited the robot, as they failed to make it waterproof. It is resting in the supply closet, waiting on Biomed repairs.