graham crackers 1981 Nabisco vintage

Da Vinci Code to Honoring Surgery Clerkship

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MORGANTOWN, WV – Third year medical student, well-known gunner, and surgery aspirant Ian DeBakey has gone where no medical student has gone before. While many students purchase suture supplies and trauma shears for their surgical clerkship, Ian DeBakey decided to do a little more. In an unprecedented move, DeBakey visited his local bank to apply for a 2-million-dollar loan in order to be able to buy his own da Vinci Surgical System. Miraculously, he was approved for a 30-year loan at 15% interest.

When asked by his friends how he was going to afford the $76,000/month payments, Ian replied, “I’m just going to have to live a little more frugally. I will no longer be buying name-brand cereal. I will finish out the rest of medical school, residency, and future surgical career by feeding off of the endless hospital supply of stale graham crackers. I have decided to not splurge on housing this year, or ever again, and instead will live inside the massive cardboard box in which my da Vinci was shipped.”

Needless to say, his surgery attendings were impressed. “I have never seen such a level of dedication and commitment to the profession by a student before. I will definitely consider filling out and personalizing his student evaluation at the end of the rotation,” said the program director of the surgery department.

Dr. Hesselbach, associate professor in the department of surgery, had some concerns and decided to consult psychiatry to have Ian assessed for DMC. Ian defended his decision by saying, “I have no doubt this will get me honors on the rotation. This will make me a shoo-in for a general surgery residency in the near future. You can’t put a price on education.”

Ian DeBakey is now inextricable from his da Vinci Surgical System. He takes it everywhere with him and uses it for every aspect of his life—even to tie his shoes. For the next 8 weeks, Ian can be found retracting for hours on end from the comfort of his 2-million-dollar investment.

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