Ode to Thyroid: Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

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I have to confess

I have not been appreciative of you

You give and you give and you give

But you also know when to pull back

You keep me from being a fat tired constipated mess

You don’t contribute to me being a hot anxious mess (that’s just my natural state)

You always know what’s right for me


Have I ever thought of you on a random Tuesday?

Have I ever called you up just to say thanks?

Have I done anything other than ignore you?

You don’t ask much of me

You are a self-sufficient career woman

You don’t just work to meet deadlines, you have product stored up for days

You don’t bother anyone else with your work

All you need is iodine—and no one else seems to be using it anyways

Heck, you even recycle iodine

But how do we reward you and your hard work?

By attacking you.

When we have a cold (de Quervian thyroiditis)

When we have a baby (postpartum thyroiditis)

And sometimes just because! (Hashimoto, Graves)

When things go wrong and we go to the doctor

For anything from Afib to dementia

You are the first person they accuse

You’re audited more than anyone else, with T4 and TSH added onto most work-ups

Oh how they WISH they’d find a reversible cause of the issue

But it’s rarely you

It’s never you

You mystery lil’ bowtie.

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