PHILADELPHIA, PA – Hospital administrators are up in arms due to Joint Commission complaints that ortho intern, Seth Sholderson, is impeding the Commission’s ability to complete a comprehensive hospital review.
One administrator commented, “Usually we are worried about how well the staff are hiding their snacks and coffee mugs, but now we’re concerned about hiding Sholderson from the Commission.”
When asked about his enthusiasm regarding the Commission’s visit, Sholderson said, “I heard the word ‘joint,’ and I was sold – I’m always down for some joints action.”
Sholderson continued, “And of course, I want the Joint bros and lady bros to have a super chill visit. I recently found one of them on the psych floor of all places! That place has NO chill!”
“But don’t worry, I’m like the commission magician, so I got them back to ortho floor STAT,” Sholderson assured.
Hospital administrators are also upset regarding Sholderson’s response to the Commission’s question on hospital emergency alert codes. Recalling the question, Sholderson said that they asked him about “Code Red,” to which he responded “That means a smokin’ hot babe is near and to play it cool. Everyone knows that!”
Hospital administrators say that they’ve never had an employee take interest in the Commission before. “This is definitely the first case of its kind,” one administrator stated.
Members of the Joint Commission concurred, “Usually enthusiasm for our presence is poorly pretended, so Dr. Sholderson’s genuine interest is something we’ve never seen before.”
Sholderson was recently seen shepherding Commission members into an ortho OR, loudly boasting, “Today we are running four joint replacement ORs simultaneously with only one attending – a new record!” A collective gasp from pursuing administrators was reportedly heard by many witnesses.