DALLAS, TX — Mr. and Ms. Rajan celebrated this weekend as their daughter Vaishnavi graduated with an MD they plan to ignore completely.
“It’s so good to finally have a doctor in the family,” said Kavita, Vaishnavi’s mother. “Now, we don’t have to make an appointment to tell a doctor that ghee and turmeric will cure everything.”
Vaishnavi has been doing research on how to tag and image cancer cells in vivo; similarly, her mother has been doing research on Vaishnavi’s hair to see if it turns grey so she can say she told her so and that Vaishnavi should have used coconut oil when she’d advised.
Just this week, Vaishnavi’s research yielded a groundbreaking new biomarker that her parents assured she could have found in the Vedas if she’d just checked.
“There’s nothing we wanted more than for Vaishu to learn the skills and trade of Western medicine,” declared her father, Murali, “so that she can admit that it is all bunk when compared to doing ten surya namaskars every morning.”