Surgical Residency disassembled after Intern fills out ACGME survey

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On Monday, 40 surgical residents from the prestigious Hospital for Ultimate Surgery found themselves without a job due to their fellow intern’s ACGME survey. Every year, the academic head of medical education, ACGME, conducts a survey of every resident to ensure resident well-being and training. It takes anything less than perfection very seriously. In this year’s survey, Dr. Snowflake from Ultimate Surgery did his due diligence and honestly filled out his survey.

He was very satisfied with his experience and rated his program Above Average, a 4 out of a scale of 5. The ACGME took the lack of perfection very seriously. It immediately investigated the incident and found many other questionable practices such as post-call operating, fabricated resident wellness events, and inadequate retracting skills. True to their goal, the ACGME negated the program to uphold kosher surgical training.

When asked about the incidence, all Dr. Snowflake could say was, “I loved it at Ultimate Surgery.” He was visibly distraught as he was surrounded by his prior colleagues. Within the group, we were able to catch up with one of the Chief Surgical Residents, Dr. McGunner. He said,” we did what we were asked to do. During our weekly education, the seniors sat the interns down and educated them on how to fill out the ACGME survey. Perfection! No one noticed that Snowflake was doing a rectal exam.” Of note, Dr. McGunner’s acceptance into Ultimate Surgery’s Plastic Surgery fellowship has now been put on hold due to his uncompleted residency.

In their official statement, ACGME stated that it was proud of their work and quick response to ensure the standards of surgical education were maintained. When asked about the stranded residents, it promised to find them spots in clinical areas of need. They named Ghetto General, Guns & Knives Clinic and Hillbilly Hospital as potential spots. However, the ACGME did note that this decision would not affect the residents’ educational loans; they would continue to require payment.

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