Program Offers Bone Marrow Transplant for Anti-Vaxxers

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A new program funded by a group of private donors will allow any healthy person who is staunchly opposed to vaccinations to undergo a Bone Marrow Transplant (BMT). Following the transplant, patients would have the unprecedented opportunity to refuse their own vaccines.

Physicians involved with the program say eligibility is largely based on the level of opposition one truly harbors toward vaccines. “We don’t just want those who are mildly to moderately opposed, as we feel the greatest individual and overall impact will be in the staunchly opposed population.”

Physicians say that one major reason for implementing this program is to benefit those who suffer from an increasingly recognized disorder called “Irrational Fear and Anger Toward Immunizations Based on Literally Zero Evidence While Completely Ignoring Actual Science (IFATIBLZEWCIAS) Syndrome.”

A psychiatrist familiar with the condition notes, “IFATIBLZEWCIAS is something that seems to be much more common over the past few years, with the hardest hit group being affluent people with children. Given the increased awareness and prevalence, IFATIBLZEWCIAS will likely find a place in the new DSM VI when published.”

One private donor feels this is an exciting opportunity for these patients. “We have the technology and medical expertise to rid them of a burden that has afflicted them for decades; intact and effective adaptive immunity.”

A 34-year-old mother of two unvaccinated children says she can’t wait to start her, “chemo cleanse,” so she can refuse the recommended immunizations for herself. “Our parents had no idea the damage they were inflicting on us as children.

They vaccinated us without our consent, and now a whole generation of adults struggle as lies flow freely throughout their bodies. I somehow avoided autism after my initial vaccinations, there is no way I would take that gamble again in my 30’s.”

When asked if she or anyone she knows has ever had measles, mumps, rubella, diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus or polio, she scoffed, “Come on, no one gets those anymore. “

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