DIY Appendectomy Kit Now Available

With surgeons’ schedules increasingly filled, a DIY appendectomy kit has been created to save both patients’ and doctors’ time.

“Appendectomies are really easy,” said general surgeon and the kit’s inventor, Dr. Gregory Smith. “I’m wasting my day doing something any child with steady hands could do just as well.”

Dr. Smith and several of his colleagues at his Portland, OR hospital designed the DIY appendectomy kit to free up their time for more important and interesting procedures. “Now, any time someone needs an appendectomy, we just give them the kit and send them home. I get to focus on higher RVU procedures, and the appendicitis patients get to practice their hand-eye coordination. Win-win!”

Dr. Smith reports that this protocol has cut surgery wait times in half, and that patients have been happy to leave the ER to get on with their lives. “The kit really frees people to take out their appendixes when it’s convenient for them, instead of forcing them to wait for an opening in the OR schedule that might take hours,” he said. “Research also shows us that patients view the OR as a stressful place. Stress is bad for the body’s healing process. With the DIY kit, patients can light some calming candles and play some relaxing music during their procedure. That’s worth a lot.”

The DIY kit is currently retailing for $49.95 and includes gloves, gauze, a scalpel, a set of retractors, suture materials and an IKEA-style set of universal instructions. Though it recommends finding a friend to help with the procedure, many have been attempting to perform the steps on their own, with mixed success.

Finally, Dr. Smith reminds any potential customers to make sure they’re getting his official DIY appendectomy kit. “We have already seen a few knock-off products,” he said. “The last thing you want is to do this procedure at home without the right equipment.”