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Kearney, NE – Seasoned floor nurses know and new nurses learn quickly: Figuring out whom to call for your patients can be a serious dilemma. In an effort to churn out nurses well prepared for the floor duty, Kearney Local Nursing College now offers a full semester course :“Who’s my patient’s doctor” Catalog number: WhoDa-eF2Ca11

There are many reasons to call a doctor: low potassium, high potassium, low blood pressure, high blood pressure, no blood pressure, chest pressure, abdominal pressure, pressure ulcers, peer pressure and constipation.

But, do you call the resident, the intern, the PA, the NP, the attending or his partner? Maybe his cross covering back up? Nope. He’s in on the golf course. Do you call the red team or blue team? Team C before 6pm, north team during lunch, night float at midnight and swing shift on Tuesdays and when raining. Is the patient covered by medicine, surgery, or by a thick layer of blankets? Do you page, call, overhead, or do a rain dance to get an answer?

Things get complicated and the course will teach such basic maneuvers as: asking the charge nurse and randomly opening the provider directory to page twelve. Checking the front of the chart or the back of the chart. Maybe its written deep in the middle of the chart or on the bathroom stall somewhere. More advanced techniques include calling a rapid response, pulling the fire alarm and faking own seizure just to get a few bodies in your vicinity.

Students completing WhoDa-eF2Ca11 may take an advanced course on such situations such as patients transferred without any report, patients that admit themselves, patients who’s aunt is also a nurse and patients that spontaneously materialize on the unit with systolics in the 60s.

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Livin La Vida Locum MD
Livin La Vida Locum MD chose the most rewarding of all medical specialties and became a hospitalist. Wanting to contribute even more to the medical community, he trialed his hand at clinical research, but quickly realized that peer reviewed articles, R2,, and Odds Ratios will never top the impact of thorough healthcare reporting. So he dedicated his life to delivering the finest, deepest and broadest medical news from around the country. He accomplishes this monumental task by accepting locum assignments all over the country; in towns, villages and “hospitals” you never heard of and will never visit. May all fans of medical satire benefit from his wandering.
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