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Cardboard Cutout of Medical Student Receives Honors in Surgery

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General Surgery is widely considered to be one of the most difficulty rotations in medical school. Many medical students strive to earn the coveted honors grade only to be bested by the grueling hours, demanding workload and long periods of time during which one may neither hydrate nor urinate. One student, however, seems to have cracked the code.

25-year-old Kenny Lyons, or rather, a life-sized cardboard cutout fashioned in the likeness of Mr. Lyons, has officially been awarded an honors grade in his/its General Surgery rotation.

The cardboard cutout of the medical student, which Mr. Lyons strategically placed in the far corner of the Operating Room, has received universally positive feedback from surgery residents and attendings. Many praised the cardboard medical student’s work ethic, noting that he appeared to always be the first one in the OR for the morning cases and was presumably the last one to leave at night. Other surgeons noted that the immobile likeness of Kenny Lyons lacked the ‘weaknesses’ typically seen in other less-qualified students, such as the need to eat food or use the bathroom.

Mostly though, surgeons lauded the Kenny Lyons cutout for his unique ability to stay out of the way and not bother anyone.

“He must have done lots of reading in his free time, because he never bothered us with stupid questions about the anatomy or surgical technique,” said 4th year General Surgery resident Natasha Ivanson, MD. “He mostly just stood in the back of the room, which is really the best thing a medical student can do,” she added.

Even Kelly O’Connor, the ornery scrub nurse who normally despises medical students, had to admit that the cardboard facsimile ultimately won her over.

“Unlike the other students, I don’t think he broke sterile field once,” said O’Connor begrudgingly.

It should be noted that Mr. Lyons wisely placed sterile gloves on his cardboard cutout, a true pro move that helps separate the honors from non-honors students.

Medical School administrators are beaming with pride at this promising young student’s accomplishment. Many are saying that they haven’t seen this level of clinical excellence since a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll in a white coat earned an honors grade in Psychiatry.

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