ABMS approves new subspecialty: High Maintenance Medicine; Hospital Drama Center designation levels to follow

Chicago, IL- Due to an unprecedented need, the American Board of Medical Specialties (ABMS) fast tracked the approval of High Maintenance Medicine as a new subspecialty. Based in the suburbs of Washington, DC, the newly formed American Academy of High Maintenance Medicine (AAHMM) will champion the care of those who are the most demanding, but not necessarily the most in need of care.

Fellowships will be started in Washington, DC, New York, Los Angeles, and Miami and are open to physicians who are board certified in Plastic Surgery, Gastroenterology, Emergency Medicine, Family Practice, Psychiatry, and Pediatrics. Others may apply based on need.

The AAHMM will also charge ridiculous amounts of money to give hospitals Drama Level designations. Based on several factors, Drama Levels will be given similar to Trauma designations, with Level 1 Drama Center being the highest level available.

There are many requirements to earn a Level 1 Drama Center designation. First, the hospital must have a 4.8 star Yelp rating or higher. A reality TV crew must be in the hospital at all times to be able to catch the drama as it happens, or at least recreate it quickly. Social Media has to be on point through all channels. The patient advocate to patient ratio also needs to be at least 1:3, but preferably 1:1.

Founder and President, Ima Sellout, MD, FAAHMM states that High Maintenance Medicine is a challenging but necessary specialty in these dramatic times. “It takes a special skillset to be able to setup conference calls with Mayo Clinic, Harvard, and Hopkins to discuss treatment options for little Johnny’s sprained ankle.” She added, “but then again, we still have Ativan and Vistaril.”