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Washington, DC- The opioid crisis has had a drastic impact in the United States and more physicians have turned to alternative methods to dealing with chronic back pain such as referring to pain management and… referring to pain management. The Prescription Drug Monitoring Program or PDMP is one tool that physicians can use to see how often their patients are getting controlled substances… Patients however are fighting back against this and the Joint Commission just released that PDMP will be for patients only, in order to satisfy quality metrics for patient satisfaction.

Dr. Lori Tab, from the Joint Commission had this to say: “Patients are getting fed up with coming up with new stories regarding why their back hurts or why they didn’t make that appoint to physical therapy. We estimate that creating a patient PDMP, called “Patient Drug Mentoring Program”, will decrease the amount of lost prescriptions and patients seeking opioids from loved ones.”

Dr. Tab went into further detail regarding this new PDMP. “See, we made it so that a patient can log in, search for whatever controlled substance that they need and see the closest doctor with the highest percent chance will prescribe it to them. We even made the new system very forgiving. For instance, I can search for “the one that starts with a D” or “Tylenol doesn’t work” and in seconds a small list of doctors will populate and percentage next to their name will tell the patient how likely they are to get the drug they want!”

Dr. Addik, also from the Joint Commission had this to add. “It is about time! I myself suffer from chronic lower back pain… doctor shopping has gotten to be a hassle. I mean, think about it, every time you see a new doctor it is at least 2 hours of paper work and explaining why you need your opioids… it is both stressful and time consuming. We called it a mentoring program because patients can leave reviews and success rates regarding each physician which will help future patients get what they need. PDMP is the future of pain control in America!”

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Italian Stallion
A retired gladiator and pupil of Galen, the Italian Stallion’s claim to fame was performing the successful lipoma removal using nothing more than a gladius. Hailing from the southern regions of Italy, Italian Stallion finds verbal language a waste of time and communicates best with his hands. Although weary of combat, he still finds time to take up arms against high a1cs, hypertension and hyperlipidemia. In his spare time he can be found weight lifting, playing video games or playing cards.
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